I Walk the Line
by hecklesyeah
Summary: When Agent Hill and Captain America first meet, it's not all rainbow kisses and unicorn stickers; it's tension, and not the good kind. But sometimes, the people we're at odds with at the beginning end up being the best people in our lives. [Developing Captain Hill.]
1. Chapter 1

_A/N: First attempt at anything Marvel; I hope you like it. Maria Hill is awesome and underappreciated; I hope I do her justice. And Captain Hill shippers (and writers, good god) are amazing; I hope this makes you happy because this is for you._

* * *

 **i keep a close watch on this heart of mine**

Maria Hill loves her job. In fact, if love were measured according to the time one allotted for something, then one can say that she doesn't just love it; she's beyond in love. But those petty notions are of no matter to her. She simply feels a certain satisfaction at seeing SHIELD's efforts come into fruition, considering how well she does her job — and she's _damn good_ at her job if she says so herself.

It's been difficult to breathe, both literally and figuratively, in the aftermath of the Battle of New York. Things have only just begun to settle down and achieve some semblance of order. Clean-up, reconstruction, and civilian rehabilitation efforts are underway to get as close to how New York was before the Chitauri Invasion. Fortunately, Stark Industries has volunteered to assist in such matters.

Anyway, in her line of work, the only pressing caveat is the politics that comes with it, especially with ungrateful and incompetent sexist bastards at the helm of most governments as well as private security and intelligence agencies. However, she believes it's a small price to pay for world security. That said, Maria considers dealing with the likes of Ms. Virginia Potts — there are none quite like Ms. Potts, to be honest — a delight.

"Once again, SHIELD thanks you for the significant contribution of Stark Industries after the crisis, Ms. Potts." She exits the elevator into the floor of her office with her phone tucked between her left ear and shoulder as her fingersi move deftly across the tablet she's holding.

"Pepper, then. And—" She stops by the window, seemingly admiring the view, and doesn't notice the figure seated by one of the darker corners of the common room. "I was watching when Iron Man and the missile—" She straightens up, clips her tablet in her arm, and takes her phone in her hand. "I can imagine. Well, I'm sure you can find a way to tell Mr. Stark without further inflating his ego."

A small smile appears briefly on her face before she purses her lips, "Yes... We worked together closely. He is—" She clears her throat and looks down, " _was_ a friend." When she looks back up towards the skyline, she has a bitter smile on her face. "He did. And on top of that, he got to meet his favorite costumed hero from the 40s."

A shrill sound from her tablet has her checking it and saying, "I'm sorry, Ms. Potts, but I have to go… Pepper, right… Yes, and you do the same." With that she ends the call and focuses her attention on her tablet. She taps the earpiece on her right ear and says, "Yes, I will be there shortly." Tap. When she turns to head to her office, she's interrupted by the figure now standing a few feet from her.

"A costumed hero from the 40s?"

She turns to the voice and sees none other than Captain America himself in a rather loose plaid shirt and slacks with a brown leather jacket, his outfit not very different from the time she saw him on the helicarrier. She could only imagine the number of grandpa jokes he'd received for it; not that anyone would dare mock him, except Stark, maybe. " _Of course, it just had to be him_ ," she thinks to herself and resists the urge to roll her eyes as she meets his gaze _._ "It's not personal, Captain. I don't know you outside of your file."

He takes two steps closer to her until he, too, is standing by the window. "I've read my file; there isn't much else outside of it."

She's not sure what the purpose of this visit is so she keeps her guard up as usual and studies him. "Sometimes what's real and what's on paper don't correspond."

"No." He knows her reputation of being a little too by the book; others say it's to a fault. But with that statement, his level of respect for her rises. "They don't." What's on paper is merely a representation of reality; it cannot fully encompass the real thing.

She's aware that his intense gaze means he's studying her as well so she makes sure she gives nothing away. "Which is why in cases like the Battle of New York, it's important to know how to improvise and when to take calculated risks."

"Is that what the Avengers were?" He's frowning now; it seems the national icon wears his heart on his sleeve. "An improvisation? A calculated risk?"

She looks down at her tablet once again and briefly types in a message before locking it. "The Initiative was one of Director Fury's pet projects. He weighed the pros and cons…" She trails off and meets his gaze again with pursed lips. "He believed it was a necessary response to the Chitauri invasion."

"And you?" His eyes narrow a bit as he continues to stare.

She juts her chin out a bit and says with a clear voice and a firm tone, "I was against it." What was that she said about not giving anything away?

"So we're just that then?" His frown deepens. "Just a risk?" Her non-response says too much. It comes across as a challenge to him and he begins to feel a bit defensive. "Well, it paid off, didn't it?"

She's aware that upsetting the applecart would work against what Fury aims to achieve with the Initiative but the Captain was asking for it. Besides, Fury has always known that she's not the type to stay quiet unless it was a direct order. "At the expense of what? Independence? Self-preservation?" She's not prepared for this conversation and consequently starts to feel the irritation creeping up the back of her neck. "Not only did you give _ordinary_ human beings something to _depend_ on, you also made them complacent in a false sense of security."

He takes a step back as his frown shifts from mildly offended to extremely confused in a matter of milliseconds. It would've been amusing if his naiveté about the bigger picture weren't so irritating. "A _false_ sense of—"

"You may have saved the world from those alien invaders but we also know that you could very well level the city." She scoffs before she continues, "Hell, even the world if you wanted to." She shakes her head once but meets his gaze and in a firm voice, says, "So when the source of this _salvation_ comes with a great potential for destruction? No. For me, you're not _just a risk_ ; you're a threat."

And just like that, he feels himself recoil, deflate, almost as if someone punched the air out of his lungs. And he supposes, yes, Agent Hill may as well have. He wants to argue that the Avengers would never do such a thing but the fact that he's never thought of it that way stops him and his surprise leaves him unable to respond.

"But then again, the opinion of one woman pales in comparison to those of the rest of the world." Silence ensues as she straightens up once more and nods, "Captain." She then turns and makes her way to her office.

He doesn't follow but before the door closes, he calls out to her, "Agent Hill."

She turns halfway and reaches her hand out to stop the door from closing completely. "Yes?"

"I'm sorry for your loss." She blinks. She isn't sure how to respond to that so she just gives him an almost imperceptible nod before she lets go of the door. When it finally closes, the pained expression on his face is the last thing she sees from the other side.

* * *

 _A/N: Props to anyone who may have caught the reference in the summary._


	2. Chapter 2

_A/N: I have an outline of how this story and series would unfold length-wise but I'm not sure about the time factor. I hope to post at least once a week since I have a portion of the following chapters drafted but I'm having trouble determining if whole story is cohesive and if the characters are consistent. I'm sure I'll figure it out somehow; I mean, I have to before CA:CW comes out on April (did u guys see that trailer? good lord)._

 _Just a little disclaimer: As much as I enjoy (?) angst, I'm a sucker for keeping my OTPs happy. I hope that works for you too. Good day!_

* * *

 **i keep my eyes wide open all the time**

"Agent Hill."

She pauses in her stride to address the person who called her attention. "Captain Rogers." She tries not to notice how different he looks from the last time she spoke with him. She fails, of course, because his jacket is draped over one arm and shirts should not be that tight; not to mention the well-fitted dark jeans make him seem much taller than he already is. Wanting nothing more than to get this over with, Maria resumes walking and gets to the point. "Is there something I can help you with?"

"Yes." The Captain nods and gives her a small smile, still unsure how to tread the waters around the Deputy Director. She glances at him with an eyebrow slightly raised. "Yes, uh, may I walk with you?" She nods and gestures ahead to indicate the affirmative so he continues, "I wanted to talk to you."

He sees her check her watch and is about to apologize but she beats him to it. "I have a meeting at 1300; you have 32 minutes."

"Bagel?" He offers as he nods and extends the arm holding the bagel toward her. He bites back a laugh when he sees her eyeing the bagel like it's offended her somehow. He's pretty sure he's never seen someone glare so hard at a piece of bread and it makes him smile. "It's cream cheese." Her brow twitches before both furrow as her gaze moves up to his, narrows, then goes back to the bagel. Still, she says nothing. "We can split it."

This time, she looks at her tablet and says, "I suspect the whole thing won't even be enough for you."

"That's," he pauses before he concedes, "True, but I've already had lunch and I don't have a meeting at 1300."

She nearly huffs, "Alright." Then she stops, crosses her arms, and faces him. "What do you want?"

There's a beat where the hand offering the bagel floats awkwardly between them before he pulls back and looks her straight in the eyes. "I'm here to ask for an assignment, Ma'am, a permanent one."

" _Nothing is permanent_." She brushes the thought away before gesturing for them to continue walking. "I understand your need to feel useful." At this, Steve thinks he should feel offended somehow but oddly enough, he isn't. "You're a valuable asset and I'm sure having Captain America under SHIELD's employment would be favorable for Director Fury."

"I don't disagree with that."

"And I don't see the director turning that offer down."

"Neither do I." He clears his throat. "But I'm not asking him," he slows down and waits for her to match his steps before he looks at her intently. "I'm asking you."

If he notices the slight falter in her steps, he doesn't comment on it, especially since he can see her studying him with a sideways glance. "Why?"

He looks down before facing forward. "The last time we talked, you said you believed we were a risk, a threat even." Then he looks back at her. "Do you still believe that?"

"I have no reason to change my position on the matter."

He nods, "Fair enough. But it's also fair to give us— me, a chance to convince you otherwise, Ma'am."

She barely stops a scoff when she looks away. "By asking to work for SHIELD?"

"By asking to work with you."

"I'm afraid I've gone past the field agent-handler status, Captain." Her smile is sardonic, slightly patronizing, as she returns her gaze to the tablet in her hands.

"Then put me somewhere you can monitor my every move."

This catches her attention and makes her turn to him with an eyebrow raised, almost as if to challenge him. "Anywhere?"

He shakes his head once before answering, "Anywhere you see fit. I'm asking the favor so I shouldn't complain." Then, he watches her slow down further to a complete stop, skepticism written all over her face.

"You want a chance to prove that you're not a threat and you want it on my terms? Most people would find that intimidating, unsettling."

"I guess I'm not most people."

If he didn't seem so damn humble and earnest, she'd think he was being arrogant. Regardless, she can't help the sarcasm that drips into her response as she crosses her arms. "Yeah, well, 'most people' are not Captain America."

"They're not the Deputy Director of SHIELD either." He puts his hands behind his back and looks pointedly at her.

" _And Captain America counters sarcasm with sincerity. Of course_." She hums. "And it is for that reason that you won't be working with me. At least not directly." With arms still crossed confidently, she adds, "Besides, if I wanted to know what you were up to, I could find out. Easily." She walks away then, leaving him a bit baffled and impressed, more so when he realizes the bagel is gone.

-x-

That night, Maria receives an email that Captain America starts SHIELD work on Monday and mutters, "Figured." She locks her tablet and pulls the covers up to her chest.

She goes to work the next day and finds a brown paper bag with two standard sticky notes; the first one reading, "I want to say you owe me one but if you have this for lunch, we're even." and the second one, "I won't offer to split it anymore." with a doodle of the bagel he offered her the last time. She opens the bag and finds what she thinks and, a few minutes later, confirms as chicken pot pie, still warm and fresh. She's a few hours short of lunch time but he doesn't need to know that.

-x-

His first mission out is to assist in the extraction of any recoverable data and evacuation of any unaccounted for civilians and other casualties. On the eve of his mission, he's on his way to his quarters, silently praying it becomes a rescue mission instead of recovery.

The doors open and he notices something amiss; on the desk beside his go-bag is a brown paper bag. He picks it up and reads the note, "I stole one; you gave another. I always pay my debts in full." He opens the bag and inside, he finds two small, similarly wrapped items with the bigger one labeled "Tourtiere du Shack" and the other "Impastata Ricotta Cheese Cannoli, for after".

He can't help the smile on his face as he takes out the former and starts digging in. It is only after his fourth bite that he blurts, "How did she even—" and then remembers she is the Deputy Director of the organization currently housing him and he did get into her office without her permission. "Touché, Agent Hill," shaking his head as he wonders when she got the time to get these for him.

He's wolfed down the pie and is about to finish one of the cannoli when he glimpses the label again, "for after". It takes him a couple of seconds to decide that since 'after' wasn't clearly defined, she could've meant a lot of different things like 'after...the pie', or 'after...the mission'. And if she meant the latter and he interpreted the former, he thinks, " _Well, she doesn't need to know that_." He then proceeds to devour the other.

-x-

Four missions later and Maria has too many pressing matters on her plate that she's lost track of when exactly Steve would be back. What clues her in is the brown paper bag that wasn't on her desk a half hour ago. Attached to it is a note that says, "Since you're still in your office this late, you probably haven't even had dinner." She checks her watch; it's a few minutes shy of midnight.

She opens the bag and her senses are assaulted by the aroma of cheese and garlic and finds she's about to have another plateful to work on but this kind, she doesn't mind much. Or at all. She lays it all out and sees enough quesadilla for at least two meals.

For a brief moment, she wonders if he was meaning to eat half of it. "Nah," because he wouldn't have left the note if that were the case. As she takes the first bite, she wonders if he's trying to fatten her up in a subtle way of commenting on her weight. This makes her frown before she decides maybe he's taken his appetite into consideration instead of hers.

She's sporting a small smile as she rolls her eyes and continues eating. If she wraps the rest of the food up and takes it home for breakfast the next day, he doesn't need to know that either.

-x-

It's been a couple of days since Steve returned from his last mission and he's found he has time — a lot of it now, it seems — so he's taken to either working out at the SHIELD gym or helping out in training exercises if he weren't training to acclimate himself more effectively to 21st century technology and warfare.

One day as he's walking around the mess hall carrying his tray of food, he sees Clint waving at him from a table close to the exit. Steve starts walking in his direction when he notices Clint's company sitting across from him. His enhanced hearing allows him to eavesdrop on their conversation.

"You see this table?" At his nod, she continues. "You know what it is?"

"It's round." Clint rolls his eyes when Maria simply raises an eyebrow. "And yours and no one else's."

"Right. So when I sit here," Maria gestures to the table with her hands, "Everyone knows not to bother me."

"But I sit here," he replies and leans forward.

"That's 'cause you're an ass." She tries to ignore him by focusing on the tablet in front of her but he's relentless.

"So does Tasha."

"Nat's not annoying." She still refuses to look at him, as if to make her statement more effective. Alas.

"And Phil—"

"Never got away with it with May, so I used to indulge him." The second half of the sentence is spoken in a softer tone but if either of them notice, neither acknowledge it.

"And— Cap!" This makes her look up.

"Rogers? When did he—"

"Clint. Agent Hill," comes a voice from behind her.

"I'm guessing that's 'now'," Maria mutters then purses her lips.

Clint's grin grows even wider. "Why don't you pull up a chair and join us?"

"Oh. Are you sure? I wouldn't want to impose—"

"No! Of course not, Cap! You're always welcome." Steve looks at Maria who simply waves her hand in his general direction. Once Steve sets his tray and pulls up a chair to Maria's right, Clint leans back. "Whoa. Sometimes I forget you have quite the appetite." He exclaims gesturing to Steve's tray. "Unlike somebody I know." His gaze then shifts to Maria and then to the untouched calzone beside her tablet.

"Clint—"

"You haven't touched it since I got here. And I've been here long enough for it to have been gone by now. Come on, Maria."

"Well, I was going to eat it while I was working but you came and started annoying the shit out of me." Clint loves messing with her and making her inner child come out to play. Most of the times, he's not successful. But sometimes, sometimes, he is. And it unnerves her. Natasha too, she's sure; but she'd probably sooner die than admit that to anyone other than Clint.

"Oh. Wow, Hill." Clint has his arms raised, pretending to be hurt as he stands up. "I'm sorry. I'm leaving now, see?" He starts walking backwards, smirking like he knows something they don't and it has Maria's eyes narrowing at his retreating form. "You better make sure she eats, Cap." He calls out as he's casually saluting before exiting the mess hall.

Steve gestures with his head in the direction Clint disappeared into. "You heard him." The corners of his lips curl upwards a little when Maria groans. "Are you gonna finish that?"

Maria just stares at her calzone and eventually says, "It's cold now."

Steve blinks. "Would you like me to heat it up for you?"

She looks up at this and says, "I'm sorry?"

"Yours. Mine needs it anyway so, two birds with one stone, right?" He has a shy, crooked smile on as he waits for her answer.

"What?" Although her face remains blank, she feels heat beginning to rise up her neck.

He squashes it when he clarifies, "The calzones. I'll have them reheated so you can work in peace while you wait."

"Oh." She wants to laugh at how badly she's misinterpreted the situation when it occurs to her that somebody else, let alone Captain America, is having her food heated up for her. She turns her head to tell him she can do it herself but he's already halfway there, his back turned to her and, " _My, what a view_." She shakes her head and mutters, "I need a goddamn break."

When he returns, he lays her plate in front of her and says, "Eat. And don't mind me if you have work to do." He smiles and she nods her answer. They eat in silence, which at first feels awkward, especially when he catches her eyeing one of the chocolate puddings he's just consumed. He excuses himself, returns with two more, and hands her one. They continue to eat in silence but they find that this time is more comfortable.

These shared lunches happen every few weeks or once a month if their schedules allow it or when neither of them are particularly stressed out. Occasionally, they talk about missions they're working on together. Other times, when there's downtime before a debrief or before he leaves whichever country his missions take him to, he'd go on a lunch run for two which everyone just assumes is not even enough for himself.

However, they're both incredibly busy people that most of the time, he simply leaves the food in her office either at the Triskelion or at the helicarrier and he finds two treats, always fresh, in his quarters when he gets back from every other mission. They never talk about it, not even when they do get to eat together.

It's their unspoken agreement, their ritual.

* * *

 _A/N: I loosely based the idea from two friends of mine whose courtship started when they used to think they were being stealthy, exchanging food by sneaking it into the other's bag. I wouldn't say Maria and Steve's relationship at this point is at the stage of courtship but I do believe it's developing into some form of friendship._


	3. Chapter 3

**i keep the ends out for the tie that binds**

A few months later, Maria finds herself nearly fuming as she makes her way to the MedBay. "Where's the Captain?"

"I— Inside, Ma'am," the attendant replies.

He looks up from his seat on the bed when the door opens and sees her. "Lieutenant—"

She takes a deep breath and cuts him off by launching into a tirade. "Captain Rogers, here at SHIELD, we have protocols for dealing with these situations—"

"It wasn't a SHIELD op—" he tries. Alas.

"Regardless, it was a bank robbery. You're with SHIELD; you could've called. You _should've_ called." She's angry and he knows it. To any normal person, it would seem like Agent Hill was formally reprimanding him in her usual stoic manner. But anyone who knows her well enough would notice the small crease between her eyebrows, the slight edge in her speech, the minute change in the tone of her voice, and the faint rhythmic sound of her breaths — normally, her silence and stealth allows her to sneak up on anyone, him included, enhanced hearing and all.

He winces and hangs his head. "You found out, huh?" He glances up at her with a sheepish look.

"I always do. Plus, you got shot and your life was on the line, along with 14 others' so yes, I _found out_."

"It's just a graze, Hill." He tries to play it cool but he should've known that nothing gets past her.

"The one on your side, sure. What about your shoulder?" He considers lying but when he remembers feeling pain from a simple movement earlier, he decides to keep his mouth shut. "Thought so. I've told you before, Rogers, if I wanted to know, I could. Easily and covertly."

"I'm sure you can. You're great at what you do." She frowns but he simply smiles and continues. "And 'covertly'... You enjoy being behind the scenes."

Her eyes narrow further because although they don't talk about it, she's sure he's already picked up on these things a while ago. "I do prefer it, yes." Then an eyebrow raises. "But don't change the subject." He sighs. _Bingo_.

"I know that you always want to make sure nothing goes wrong in every project you oversee, agents and assets included." She didn't know what she expected from him in response but it certainly wasn't this. "I appreciate that. I mean, it helps to see your name in mission statements."

She almost rolls her eyes and gives him the side-eye instead. "My name is on _all_ of your mission statements."

"Yes, I noticed; I see it every time. You're very thorough."

"I am." She crosses her arms and continues, "Wouldn't want anyone coming after me for endangering Captain America. Especially when you already do that well enough on your own." She gestures then to the bullet wound and sees Rogers' shy and guilty expression. She huffs, "Look, frankly, I don't care if you have a death wish." This somehow tastes wrong on her tongue, especially after seeing the hurt look on his face. "I don't mind you veering away from the plan a little as long as you stick to it enough to ensure that everyone involved in a mission or, in this case, a robbery comes back in one piece."

He knows going against her when she's all riled up is futile but he feels the need to explain himself. "Agent Hill—" This, coupled with the clench of his jaw, lets her know that he feels a little offended. He's taken to calling her either Hill or Lieutenant (she thinks it's because he likes her title, maybe) and only reverts to Agent Hill when they're at odds, which happens more often than not but rarely regarding missions.

"I'm sure you'd never intentionally put someone else's life in danger so this is not a scolding, _Captain Rogers_." On her part, she's taken to calling him Rogers generally, Captain in formal contexts, and Captain Rogers when she's not particularly happy with him. And as she utters the latter, she realizes that she's been using it a lot less these days. "It's a reiteration of something you already know. The mission plans, the protocols, the simulations and predictions, the statistics? They all work to lessen the probability of failure, leaving a situation FUBAR. However, I understand that they can't account for the human factor or for other circumstantial factors, which is why you and your handler have leeway to take calculated risks should the need arise. And this situation is no different."

"I'm aware, and I couldn't have said it any better, _Lieutenant_." He gives her a pointed look and all of a sudden, all is well and no one's angry. "I apologize for not calling SHIELD in and for the way I handled the robbery; I acted on pure instinct." He watches her nod. "I can't promise that it won't happen again." At this, Maria scoffs and looks away. " _But…_ " He waits for her to look back at him before he continues, "I'll try my best to remember it next time."

"'Do or do not; there is no try.'" She sees the confusion in his expression but she gestures for him to go on.

"As I was saying earlier, your name on mission statements gives me a certain sense of," he pauses as he searches for the right word, "Security. An assurance, if nothing else. I just wanted you to know that your efforts are appreciated, that's all."

Despite months of occasionally working together, eating together, and exchanging food, she still takes declarations and compliments like this one with a grain of salt. And so, with a blank expression, she deadpans, "Your appreciation, while unnecessary, has been noted. Like I said, no one wants to see America's favorite superhero hurt his pretty little head." And with that said, she starts turning away from him but stops with his next words.

"I thought you didn't care, Lieutenant?" His voice carries a slightly teasing tone, earning him an unimpressed look and a raised eyebrow.

"I'm forced to when a superhero is being a complete idiot." She's just reached the door when he calls out to her.

"Wait!" She pauses but only turns her head sideways to acknowledge him. And it's a good thing too because his next words catch her completely off guard. "Did you just call me 'pretty'?"

With her back to him and her hand hovering by the biometrics, she considers taking it back but instead keeps a straight face as she slowly turns back to face him. "I'm not blind, Captain." She puts on the illusion of distance in the name she uses to address him even as she appraises him. And if she notices him straighten up a little, she makes no comment and just says, "And I won't deny what seems to be a universal truth."

He feels a little flushed from her compliment and decides to return it, "For what it's worth, I think you're pretty too." He studies her when she doesn't acknowledge his statement and sees her go on lockdown. He's unable to read her so he tells her, "You're quite the mystery, Hill." He sees her head tilt in question and he shakes his head in response. With a lopsided smile, he says, "It was meant as a compliment."

She stares at him, unsure how to proceed. "Right." She blinks. "I'll be on my way then."

"Of course." He tries to bite back a grin; he is failing. "Can't have you slacking on the job, Hill." His grin is now on full display and it earns him an eye-roll.

With the hint of a smile, she leaves but not before she mutters, "Shut up, Rogers."

As she steps out of the door, she hears him call, "Heads up!"

With a confused frown, she turns in time to catch a brown paper bag. She looks at the bag then at Rogers who's grinning until the door closes and blocks her view. When she peers into the bag, she sees two cinnamon sugar cheesecake bars, slightly deformed on one side but are still mostly intact.

"Goddamn, Rogers."

* * *

 _A/N: Hello. This is the last chapter for the first part (The Avengers in the MCU timeline) of this series. The next part (CATWS) will be up in a week. I hope you guys stick around till then. And thank you for all your support!_


	4. Chapter 4

_Author's Notes:_

 _Here is the CATWS part of the timeline. I loved this movie so much! I wanted to write Bucky in but I wasn't quite sure if I could give his character justice so I settled with mentions of him._

 _I hope you enjoy my take on the events of the movie plus some post-movie snippets. And I hope you guys continue to read it and give comments because I love reading about your thoughts on each chapter. I wasn't supposed to post it yet but I figured I might drown in work this coming week so might as well._

 _Btw, if any of you feel like talking about it (or anything, really) via tumblr, my account is under the same name. Take care xox_

* * *

 _The nights were mainly made for saying things that you can't say tomorrow day._

 **i find it very, very easy to be true**

He's watching Natasha from the window when he senses movement beside him. He sees Maria and notes her glassy, red-rimmed eyes and her clenched jaw that moves ever so slightly when she exhales through her mouth. He realizes that although her face appears dry, she's on the verge of crying and trying so hard not to. He stares at her for a while, looking as though he wants to reach out and say something, anything. But when he opens his mouth, she cuts him off.

"I need to take him." Her voice sounds soft but steady, her gaze lowered.

He blinks. "Of course." He looks back at Natasha and starts to leave but he pauses and turns to back to her. His hand moves to reach out to her, "Hill, I—"

"Don't." His hand freezes near her forearm. Her head is turned slightly in his direction but her gaze remains lowered. He nods before making his way to Natasha. Only then does she raise her head and blink away any trace of emotion from her expression.

-x-

"That's Captain America you're after. He tends to inspire a certain amount of loyalty."

She wonders what made her say that and how long she's believed it. Still, she keeps the subdued smug look on her face. At least, up until Sitwell informs her of the "director's orders". How dare he accuse her of disloyalty to SHIELD when she has devoted so much of herself, her life to it?

She's pissed even as it dawns on her that this is an opportunity. They're sending her back to New York so they won't be expecting her around. Perfect.

They look to Fury for all his antagonistic glory that they forget that she's a player in this game too. As much as she detests the sexist bastards in her line of work, she knows she can always count on them to overlook her. To them, she's invisible, no matter her status and how hard she's worked to get there. She's used that time and again to her advantage; this time will be no different. She'll be right under their noses and they won't even see her coming.

 _Boo._

-x-

"Even when I had nothing, I had Bucky."

"We need to get a doctor here. If we don't put pressure on that wound, she's gonna bleed out here in the truck." Sam recoils when one of the Hydra agents threatens him with a taser. And before he knows it, the other agent gets tased and kicked in the head.

When the helmet comes off, they hear a slight groan before they see Maria Hill flip her hair off her face. "That thing was squeezing my brain." Steve looks at her, really looks at her and shares the surprise on Natasha and Sam's faces. "Who's this guy?" She looks at Sam with a slight frown before she meets Steve's gaze.

The question is directed at him but he's too stunned to answer. Stunned not only because he didn't expect anyone to have enough courage and efficiency to infiltrate Hydra this soon just to save them, but also because in that moment, when he felt so down, depressed, and defeated, he realizes that there is no other person he'd want to see, and no other person he'd trust to save his, Nat's, and Sam's lives. He's unsure how to deal with that because there really is no one more than— _Maria._

Their transfer to another non-descript van goes smoothly and nobody, except maybe Sam, is surprised because Maria Hill's mission plans always flow smoothly. Steve watches her exit the van before he follows and helps Nat out. Maria leads the way into the abandoned facility and braces herself for their reaction to what's, rather, _who's_ waiting inside.

Maria calls out, "GSW, she's lost at least a pint."

"Maybe two," adds the new guy. Proper introductions can wait.

"Let me take her," the doctor answers as he jogs towards them.

"She'll want to see him first." Her voice softer than it was just moments earlier. She feels Natasha's eyes on her but refuses to meet her questioning gaze even as she opens the curtains to reveal none other than Nick Fury.

"About damn time." She keeps her eyes on Fury throughout the entire discussion of his injuries and of what he'd been through. She lowers her gaze when Natasha speaks.

"They cut you open; your heart stopped." She knows she shouldn't feel bad about having lied, at least not this time, because it's all part of the plan but she couldn't help it even as Fury explains how they pulled it off.

Steve also looks on edge when he asks, "Why all the secrecy? Why not just tell us?"

"Any attempt on the director's life had to look successful," Maria says as if that whole statement explains everything. And it does because—

"They can't kill you if you're already dead." Point. She's about to leave but Fury adds, "Besides, I wasn't sure who to trust." He could have spoken for the both of them but at the same time, he couldn't have. She looks right at Natasha who's already looking at her. She can't claim to know every single one of Natasha's expressions but she knows enough and the look in the assassin's eyes just screams betrayal. It makes her want to apologize; she doesn't. She did this not because she doubted Natasha's — or Steve's — allegiance but because it was necessary. She's never before apologized for doing her job, not even when she came across as the devil incarnate, and she's not about to start now. She knows she's not the villain here and that's the only thing that matters.

-x-

 _Maria follows Natasha into the break room and hides her smile as she watches all the occupants leave hurriedly. She enters after a few moments and sees the assassin seated alone on the couch._

 _"Romanoff," she greets and receives a hum in response. She takes two mugs out of the cupboard and prepares some tea. As she's finishing up, she turns to the only other occupant and says, "That was...quite a fight."_

 _Despite Natasha anger, one corner of her lips curls up. "You're better than that, Hill."_

 _"It's a fucking struggle," Maria's reply is droll and they share a smile. She has yet to figure out how most people do it so naturally when she only manages to pull it off while undercover._

 _"Of course. But everyone knows small talk isn't your strong suit so you're excused." Natasha looks away before asking, "What do you want?"_

 _Maria takes both mugs to where Natasha is seated. She hands her one before she seats herself on one of the tables. "No agent is expendable."_

 _"I am."_

 _"_ No _." Her response comes quickly, forcefully. "You are more than your past, Romanoff." She hears the other woman scoff and she almost yields because she is hardly an expert in these things. Plus, she hates receiving pep talks, much less giving one, but she continues anyway, "The fact that you're trying to wipe out the red in your ledger attests to that."_

 _She still remembers the day Hawkeye brought the Black Widow into SHIELD. How the latter seemed indifferent throughout the whole process, her expression only slipping into subdued shock and confusion when Maria vouched for her after a mere stare-down with Barton which ended with the man simply nodding._

 _"Then why is he so mad at me for wanting to give that shitfest of a mission a successful end?"_

 _"Successful_ — _You asked him to shoot the target_ through you _, Romanoff. And you wonder why he's angry?_ " _When Natasha simply looks at her, she sighs._ _"The way you feel about keeping Barton safe? That goes both ways; you're partners._ That's _why he's so angry." She sees Natasha's eyes widen almost imperceptibly before she looks down at her lap. Maria remembers reading about the damage the Red Room has caused to the assassin's emotional wellbeing. She realizes she's one to talk. She stands then and in an awkward attempt at levity, says, "Don't die on his watch; he'll never stop whining. Or sulking."_

 _"Or both." Natasha watches Maria leave but at the last minute, "Hill?" When Maria looks back at her, she says, "Thank you."_

 _Maria has always stayed on edge around the assassin since she's been brought in. Perhaps it's time that changed. "Thank me by not dying,_ Natasha _."_

-x-

"Maybe, just maybe, we can salvage what's left—"

"We're not salvaging anything. We're not just taking down the carriers; we're taking down SHIELD."

"SHIELD had nothing to do with this!"

"You gave me this mission; this is how it ends. SHIELD's been compromised, you said so yourself. Hydra grew right under your nose and nobody noticed." _Stab_.

Actually, she's had her suspicions for a few months now after she came across a few anomalies. She's brought her suspicions to Fury's attention but since neither of them could gather actual proof without tipping someone off and calling the attention of whomever is behind this mess, they couldn't afford to make hasty, overt, and unplanned decisions. Even so, an infiltration this deep, efficient, and high up in the ranking couldn't have been less than a few years in the making; they're still too late.

"Why do you think we're meeting in this cave? I noticed."

"How many paid the price before you did?" _Stab._

"Look, I didn't know about Barnes."

"Even if you did, would you have told me? Or would you have compartmentalized that too?" _Stab_. "SHIELD, Hydra… It all goes."

She knows the questions and accusations were directed at Fury but she feels each stab nonetheless. This is SHIELD; she is equally responsible for it. And it is for this reason that she says, "He's right."

She's gone against Fury a number of times before but she's never seen him look at her with as much betrayal as he does now. And since she's just been the recipient of a similar look from Natasha, she wonders, " _God, is this my life now?_ " She watches his silent call for support, first from Natasha who simply leans back in her chair and then to the other guy — his name is Sam Wilson, the Falcon, she's learned.

"Don't look at me. I do what he does, just slower."

Fury then leans back in resignation. "Well… Looks like you're giving the orders now, Captain."

A few hours later, she finds herself seated on the cramped floor space of one of the facility's fire exits. She's looking out towards the sunset, running the plan over and over in her head until only the moonlight shines upon her. She's brought back to reality when she feels a small plate being placed on her lap. On the plate is a generous helping of wheat bread. Even without looking up, she knows who's standing beside her and whose voice it is that greets her.

"You didn't eat." She only gives a small shake of her head to acknowledge him before looking back towards the expanse of land behind the facility. "Couldn't sleep either, huh?"

"Knowing what's about to happen tomorrow? Not really, no." She pinches a piece of bread and rolls it in her fingers.

"You're about to blow SHIELD up, set fire to what's been your life for so long."

She throws the piece of bread with a force almost enough to pitch a baseball. "SHIELD wasn't my life." If her tone is marked with a tinge of spite, so be it; they both know that was a lie anyway. He is irked a bit by her wasting of food but they're about to lay waste to SHIELD so he lets it slide and just sits down beside her.

"Maybe. But at the very least, it's become your home."

She shrugs. "I'll just have to find a new one." She looks at him with a veil of resignation but her determination still shines through. Something shifts in Steve's eyes, something akin to desire, but he knows that now is not the time for whatever this is so he looks away only to look back at her when she speaks, "What's keeping _you_ up, Rogers? Metal arm?"

"Bucky," his tone defensive, on edge.

She meets his intense gaze when she replies, " _I know._ Once upon a time, he was pure and innocent 'Bucky'. Maybe he still is. But right now, he's not who you remember him to be; right now, he's the Winter Soldier. Making it personal would only make it more difficult to do what's necessary."

"He'll remember." He swallows before he quietly adds, "He has to."

"And if he doesn't?"

It takes him a while to answer. "I won't kill him." _I can't._

"I didn't say anything about killing him. But he'll stop you if you don't stop him first." The reminder that neither of them can let that happen goes unsaid.

After a rather long lull in their conversation where they're both just staring into the darkness behind the facility, he decides to break the silence. "It's these times that I… I wish I could be that kid in Brooklyn again. Or get drunk, even just for a little while." They're both aware that he can't get drunk and though they've never really tried it, they figured drugs probably won't have the desired effect either. "Get a blackout and forget about what seems like a never-ending war, you know?" He feels desperate when he looks at her. _Desperate for what?_

She looks back at him, really looks at him for longer than what's deemed socially appropriate before making the decision. "I do."

His eyes are closed but he swears he sees the stars. He doesn't know what's happening but he feels himself responding. It's only when he hears the plate hit the floor beside them that it registers: They're kissing.

Steve may have inadvertently lied to Natasha when she asked if their escalator kiss was his first since the 40s _"I'm 95, not dead."_ But really, truthfully, he simply meant to say it definitely wasn't going to be his last. His mind goes blank because— He is _kissing_ Maria. Well, Maria kissed him first and he kissed her back and now _they're kissing_. He's pulled her by her waist, close enough that she's now on his lap with her knees on either side of his hips and her hands in his hair.

The bread goes stale but neither of them give it a second thought when they don't even know how they made their way from the fire exit to the makeshift room connected to it.

-x-

Clothes are discarded haphazardly across the room until they're both free to explore every inch of skin on each other. He wants to say this is all muscle memory but it isn't because he hasn't done this as much as a man his age ought to. And yet, oddly enough, it all comes naturally to him.

He kisses her slowly but with an intensity akin to if he were devouring her. He walks her back towards the bed without ever breaking the kiss except for the need to breathe. He falls onto her but he keeps his weight balanced on his arms so as not to crush her. He kisses down her chin, her jaw, her neck and sucks first on a spot behind her ear and then another near the junction where her neck and shoulder meet; both make her shudder almost violently as she bites her bottom lip, her hands clutching the sheets. He runs his tongue down the valley between her breasts and only gets to press a kiss on each breast before he finds himself flat on his back staring up at her.

Her ponytail has fallen loose enough that a mere shake of her head has dislodged it completely. She has her hands on his chest and as she looks down at him — her face pale in the moonlight, her eyes darker than their usual steel blue, her lips swollen from their kissing, her hair tousled, her expression inviting and intense — he thinks she's never been more beautiful.

He opens his mouth to say so but all that comes out is a moan when she rocks her hips on top of his. His eyes are shut tightly as he places his hands on her thighs on either side of him to wordlessly ask her to slow down a bit. She pauses but the moment he opens his eyes to look at her, she resumes her movement. One of his hands slides up to her hips and squeezes. His eyes close again as he finds himself enjoying the wet friction where he wants it the most.

He opens his eyes when he feels her lift herself up a bit. His gaze never leaving hers as she slowly envelops him in her warmth. He's breathless. And when she starts moving, finding that perfect rhythm, everything is electric. She never once says a word but he whispers, moans her name.

"Maria."

He hears sounds coming from deep within her but mostly, she tries to hold back by keeping her bottom lip between her teeth. There are moments when the pleasure becomes overwhelming enough that moans escape her. Steve is in awe of her, so much so that he focuses on getting her to let go of whatever's holding her back. He touches her, slowly caressing every inch exposed to him and waiting for her to stop him and say no but she doesn't.

"Maria."

When his hands cup her breasts, her moan comes out louder; much louder when he eventually figures out what she likes. He notices her breathing increase both in rate and volume as their movements become frantic; that's when she takes one of his hands and brings it down to where they're joined as one. He circles his thumb to that one spot before he presses down and she nearly screams before she plants her lips onto his in an experience so intense, he nearly blacks out when she collapses on top of him.

"Oh God, _Maria_ ," her name, a prayer from his lips.

When he wakes, it's still dark outside and he's alone, he begins to think it was all a dream that left him exhausted until he shifts to the middle of the bed, smells _her_ on the pillow, and realizes he's naked underneath the sheets. He lifts his head a little to look around the room but she's not there.

Come morning, they don't talk except to reorient themselves with the plan. The journey to the Triskelion is filled with tense silence. The kind Sam thinks is just everyone's nerves, his definitely. The kind Natasha thinks has to do with how she saw Steve emerge from the room she was sure Maria entered the night before, but she keeps quiet even as she curiously studies them. The kind Steve thinks is the weight of what they're about to do coupled with what happened between him and Maria last night; Maria's presence has always affected him, but not to this extent. The kind Maria ignores and refuses to address so she remains cool and calm, indifferent — almost her usual self, save for the fact that she doesn't meet Steve's gaze.

-x-

"I know I'm asking a lot. But the price of freedom is high. It always has been." He recalls the first conversation he had with Maria, about security and calculated risks. "And it's a price I'm willing to pay. And if I'm the only one, then so be it." From the corner of his eye, he sees Maria turn to look at him. "But I'm willing to bet I'm not." Because he isn't. She's there. Nat's there. Sam's there. And Fury too.

Throughout Steve's speech, Sam feels himself beam with pride that he couldn't help asking, "Did you write that down first? Or was it off the top of your head?" The next thing Sam knows, he's dodging bullets from the 'bad guys'.

"Eight minutes, Cap."

As reassuring as seeing her name on mission statements is, Steve finds he likes this better — listening to her voice in the comms relaxes him somehow, helps him focus. "Working on it." Not long after, he goes through more of the bad guys and gets one of the targeting blades in. "Alpha lock."

"Falcon? Where are you now?"

"Had to take a detour!" He replies as he glides around, trying to shake off a few missiles. In his haste and distraction, he seems to have forgotten to disconnect his comms. Maria assumes he's successful because she hears his exclamations of "Woohoo!" and "Oh yeah!" almost as if he's enjoying it. And he probably is, more than he should. She doesn't even try to stop the eye-roll as she hears him get into one of the carriers. "I'm in." Before he flies away to assist Steve, he shouts, "Bravo lock!"

In the camera feed, she sees incoming; two Hydra agents, two bullets. "Six minutes."

The third helicarrier proves to be more of a challenge because both Steve and Sam are greeted by the Winter Soldier. She listens to the exchange after Falcon's suit is down. She tells him about Rumlow and the Council before focusing now on Steve and the countdown. She continues to give him updates every now and then and feels the hairs on the back of her neck stand on attention when a few minutes pass without any response from him. "One minute." She waits a bit and fails to mask the worry and urgency in her voice as she says, "Thirty seconds, Cap!"

Mere seconds before the time runs out, Steve's coarse, almost breathless voice resounds, "Charlie lock."

She releases the breath she didn't realize she was holding. His voice was cracked when he spoke and his breathing was ragged but she responds with an, "Okay, Cap." Because more importantly, she needs him to— "Get out of there."

"Fire now," she hears him say.

 _No agent is expendable._

When he thinks nothing more intimate than shared breaths and dueling tongues and physically becoming one would transpire between them, she calls him by his given name, her voice cracked around the edges.

 _Making it personal…_

"But, _Steve_ —"

 _...would only make it more difficult..._

"Do it!" She pauses, her hand hovering over the controls. "Do it now!" She blinks.

 _...to do what's necessary._

* * *

 _A/N: Gaaaaaaaah. There's one particular scene that I've never EVER tried writing and I think you can guess which one. It was satisfying enough, I hope? Btw, that first line is from "Do I Wanna Know?" by the Arctic Monkeys. It's a beautiful song, listen to it (and their discography, tbh)._


	5. Chapter 5

_A/N: Hey, guys! I'm still drowning in paperwork but my brother dragged me to watch BvS: DoJ. Wonder Woman's absolute awesomeness despite her screen time reminded me of our girl and prompted me to post. Been a while. I hope you like the aftermath I've written of CATWS._

* * *

 **i find myself alone when each day is through**

"Hill! Where's Steve? Got a location on Rogers?"

She does but she doesn't respond. Her mind is like a broken record going: This is a rescue mission. This is a rescue mission. However…

No agent is expendable. How dare he—

A small part of her seems resigned to the idea that this is a recovery. And as the minutes pass by without finding him in the general area of his last known location, that small part of her grows bigger and bigger. THIS IS A RECOVERY— RESCUE MISSION. RESCUE. REC— RESCUE. RESCUE. RESCUE...

-x-

Steve wakes up to a song playing softly in the background. Later, he'll find out it's "Trouble Man" by Marvin Gaye but right now, he opens his eyes and blinks away the sleep and blur from his vision. He looks around and figures out he's in a hospital room with Sam sitting on a chair to his right and he couldn't help it, "On your left." His voice is coarse and he hurts in a lot of places when he chuckles but he's alive.

Sam smiles and says, "I'll get the doctor."

Outside, after the doctor and nurses enter Steve's room, Sam sees a woman making her way down the hall. "Businesswoman," he thinks as he studies her — sunglasses, make-up, neat updo, sharp and dark dress, heels, purse, coat folded over one arm. She's a little closer when he notices her shoulders and back, both too straight to be comfortable. "Not a businesswoman." When she stops in front of him and takes off her sunglasses, he blinks. Twice.

"Wilson," she greets curtly. "Is he awake?"

He hums in question before he shakes himself, "Uh, yeah, just minutes ago." He clears his throat. "It's Maria, right?"

She nods. "Hill, yes. Can I see him?"

"Of course." When she moves toward the door, Sam quickly adds, "Oh, but the doctor's with him right now, the nurses are checking his vitals and everything. You know the drill." She steps back, tense, he notes and at her nod, he gestures behind him and asks, "Would you like to get some coffee while we wait?"

"I've already had coffee," she simply replies. When she notices him still looking at her, she says, "Don't let me stop you. I'll just wait out here."

"Are you sure you don't want anything?"

"Yes." She meets his gaze, her expression stays almost blank but her features soften. "Thank you, really." She knows it wasn't his job to help them but he did anyway. And while she also knows it was Captain America he was following, she's grateful nonetheless.

He nods and couldn't stop the smile from forming. This woman gives off the aura of being important and in-charge in the way she carries herself and in the no-nonsense approach she has with everyone around her; he's noticed since the first time he met her that no one questions her place at the table or her decisions. Her gratitude definitely outweighs the subtle rejection. "No problem. Oh, and—" He gestures towards the door to Steve's room, "Take your time, Hill." Sam's grin only seems to grow bigger when she narrows her eyes at him as he walks away.

A flurry of activities takes up the minutes after Sam leaves — nurses checking his vitals, a doctor telling him he was lucky but he guesses not really given the serum, and an aide bringing him a fresh cup of ice chips and a tray of soft food. Then silence. When the door opens again, he expects to see Sam but surprise, surprise.

"Maria." He can't find it in himself to go back to calling her anything but Maria.

She stops by the foot of his bed and with a voice that's softer than usual, she says, "I thought you died."

"I'm too stubborn to die." His attempt at levity falls flat.

"You said you'd try not to let that happen again." Her voice is still soft as she refers to his earlier promise to try not to get himself killed but it gains volume and an edge with every passing word. "But you didn't just let it happen, you let me decide."

There was no question as to which she'd choose. She firmly believes that no agent is expendable. But if it's a choice between one and the rest of the world — him or the greater good — there really isn't much debate. Even if he isn't just a simple agent but a national icon. Even if he isn't just Captain America but Steve— What?

"I'm sorry I put you in that situation." He pauses before, "But I know you wouldn't have changed a thing." It's not a question; they both know it as a fact.

"Given the same circumstances? No, I wouldn't have." The confirmation hurts them both, Maria isn't sure why; Steve, because knowing she'd kill him over and over again, probably without hesitation, stings even if it meant saving the rest of humanity. But she did hesitate. "Did you know it at the time? That I would do it?"

Even though it hurt, his respect for her has increased ten-fold. "I never doubted that you'd make the right decision."

Making it personal would only make it more difficult to do what's necessary.

Hill exhales loudly and shakes her head. To him, she looks intense, angry; and maybe she is. But then she's looking down, surprises herself when she whispers, "It didn't feel right." Steve takes his time to study her and figure out what she meant by that but she's already clearing her throat. "I should go," she says quietly but doesn't move.

"I'm sorry about..." He trails off. "About what? SHIELD? Asking you to fire? That night? No, not that." He settles with, "Everything," and closes his eyes. "But never that, Maria."

She hums and with a sarcastic, bitter smile, she replies, "Me too."

There's a long pause, with both of them just staring at each other, and he finally takes her in. He thinks she looks soft but sharp in her dress. He finds himself not just staring blankly but paying close attention — how her face is all made up, how her hair is impeccably styled in an updo, how the dress clings to her curves with her coat draped over the raised edge of his bed. She's stunning but he still prefers her with no make-up, her hair tousled, her face relaxed in pleasure, her breathing so rapid she's almost panting—

He shakes himself. "I'm staring. Sorry, I just— You look—" His cheeks are flushed, uncertain how to compliment her on her appearance without making it weird and inappropriate. "You're in a dress." He finally says and mentally grimaces at how pathetic his attempt was.

Her eyebrows raise in amusement. "I had a job interview." For a moment, she thinks his guilt is eating him up again but his response clues her in otherwise.

"I don't think I've ever seen you out of your uniform."

She knows he was just making a random, innocent observation and she doesn't know why but the words are out of her mouth before she realizes it. "Oh, you've seen me out of my uniform." Maybe it's the way his eyes darken as he takes her in or their shared experience that makes her confident and comfortable enough to blurt that out. What's worse than the teasing tone she'd delivered the line with, she thinks, is that she's sporting a small smirk that shouldn't have been there in the first place. When she sees the flush spread down his neck and his eyes darken further and grow more intense, she clears her throat again, squares her shoulders, and stands up straighter. "I should go," she says, more firmly this time, then pulls her coat over her arm.

"About that night—"

"Don't worry about it." She cuts him off too quickly. "We were two consenting adults. We can," she pauses to swallow because her mouth feels so dry all of a sudden, "Chalk it up to a moment of weakness." She smiles but he doesn't smile back. He doesn't like this smile; in fact, he kind of hates it because it's a mask and it just seems so...mechanical. Her gaze shifts from his face to somewhere by his feet. "It won't happen again." It can't.

"Maria—"

She looks back at him with eyes he couldn't read. "Steve." The 'please' goes unsaid but is implicit in her tone.

He looks at her, almost as if he were memorizing the sight of her, before he nods, resigned in the knowledge that neither of them can handle that talk, especially not now. "Take care of yourself, Maria."

"Says the idiot on a hospital bed." They share a small smile before she finally leaves and he's left looking at the door even long after she's gone.

A few minutes later, Sam comes back with today's paper in hand. "So... Hill, huh?"

Steve smiles and sits up with much effort. "You just missed her."

"Not as much as you did, I bet," Sam mutters.

"What was that?"

Sam makes a show of clearing his throat. "Nothing. I saw her outside when the doctor was in here. I almost didn't recognize her. Girl cleans up nice, really nice."

"Sam," Steve's voice sounds a bit tired but the reprimand is present.

"She seems like a great catch." He hears Steve's noncommittal hum. "A little difficult to talk to but—"

"She just doesn't like small talk."

Sam nods, "That's good, right? And refreshing. It also makes her a lot more interesting." Throughout the entire conversation, Sam either glances at Steve or outright studies every reaction that comes from him about Maria Hill. He's baiting Steve and if he's lucky, his recovering state would make him a little less sharp and guarded. "You sweet on her, Steve?"

Steve refuses to make eye contact, especially as he feels the back of his neck heat up. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Mhmm." Sam raises an eyebrow and holds back a smile. "I wonder if she has someone—"

"Sam," this time, his voice is a little more firm.

Sam raises both his hands up in defense. "Alright, alright. Besides, I ain't getting rejected twice."

Steve turns to him quickly and grimaces at the pain. He swallows it down in favor of asking, "Twice?"

"Yeah." He doesn't elaborate and pretends to read the newspaper. He glances at Steve and sees the man lost in thought. "She's glad you were awake when she got here." This caught Steve's attention.

"She said that?"

"No. But when she was here, all she wanted was to see you." Sam gives him a pointed look before he grins. Steve looks away and smiles. And if his cheeks are a little pink, Sam doesn't say a word. Except, "Hey, what's this?"

"What?"

Sam is already up and reaching for something by the foot of his bed. A brown paper bag. "Has an unsigned note attached to it, says, 'Actual food. You've more than earned it, soldier.' Is this from Hill?"

"Let me see that." He raises his hand to see the note more clearly and yes, it was written in Maria's familiar handwriting. "Yeah. Yeah, it is."

"Well, then let me take these out for you to eat. I may not have seen her angry before but something tells me it's in my best interest to avoid it by making her soldier happy."

Steve is fighting back a smile. "Sam—"

"She brought you chicken soup and it smells delish. Oh, and cheesecake! You are one lucky soldier."

"Really, Sam?" He's smiling now even as he shakes his head.

"Hey, a good soldier follows orders. Woman said eat, so eat up, soldier."

Steve hangs his head and asks, "You're never going to let me live this down, are you?" Sam doesn't reply but the amused smirk on his face was answer enough. He sighs, "Oh, boy."

-x-

Soon after, Steve finds out that Maria's at Stark Industries. He wonders how she's adjusting to life outside of SHIELD but he doesn't dwell on this much because he and Sam eventually go off looking for Bucky. He's torn between wanting to go home — rather, go back to New York — and staying to look for Bucky despite following lead after lead to dead end after dead end.

What keeps him going is the thought that if Maria were in his place, she wouldn't bail on a mission just because she's stuck between a rock and a hard place; she'd push back no matter what. And he really wants to find his friend, his one last tether to his old life. His hands curl into fists until he's crumpled his coffee cup on one hand. Sam brings him back to reality before he crushes the phone he's holding on the other.

"Look, man, I don't know what's going on with you and I respect that you're not willing to talk about it. But when we're not out looking for your buddy, you keep staring at your phone like a mad person. And now you're clutching it like your life depends on it." When it looks as though Steve is about to deny or protest, Sam adds, "Just call her." Before Steve could even ask 'who', Sam just gives him look. "You're not fooling nobody, soldier."

Nobody but himself, apparently.

He ends up calling her. He forgets about time zones so when she answers, "Hill," with a tired and sleep-addled yet somehow alert voice, he apologizes. "It's alright. What is it? You okay?"

"Yeah, you?"

"Steve," she pushes because nobody calls at an ungodly hour unless it's important.

"Answer me honestly. Do you think I'll find him?"

She blinks. She doesn't have to ask because she's had her answer since that day in the van. "No."

"So any effort, no matter how good, would be pointless?"

She hums. "I'm not saying you're not a good enough seeker, Steve; I'm saying he's a better hider. And since he's not here right now, maybe he doesn't want to be found." Maria pushes off the duvet and makes her way to the kitchen to make a pot of coffee. "He's probably lost in his own mind, in his memories—"

"He's not crazy."

"I know that, and so do you. But does he?" She hears his breath coming out slow. "He may remember you, he may not. Whatever state of mind he's in, he's going to need time." She leans against her counter, wondering what he's doing on the other end of the line. "And when he's ready…"

His breath huffs and makes static noises on the line. "I'll find him."

"Or he'll find you."

-x-

A few minutes after the call ends, she gets her tablet and types in, "How's Qui-Gon Jinn?" before sending it to an encrypted location. Not long after, she receives an incoming video call from said location.

"I'm alive, Ani, stop worrying." Comes a familiar voice. And…chin?

She blinks. "Phil, you're too close."

"Sorry, I'm transferring it to the—" The screen zooms out into Phil's office. "There you go." Phil sits back in his chair and smiles. "Obi-Wan's busy with tai chi so you have—" He stops when his door opens to reveal May still in her workout clothes. "Both of us, apparently," he finishes then addresses May. "Ani's looking for you."

May moves to stand beside Phil and simply looks her over, as if checking for injuries or anything amiss. "How goes privatizing global security?"

"Can't complain. What about your end?"

"We're managing," Phil responds. "It's been a slow day so far."

"He's still in the wind." She really likes how perceptive May is. "But it's an odd hour to be asking about him unless something happened." Except sometimes she doesn't.

"I'm drinking coffee and talking to you in my pajamas so no one's dead or dying at least."

"Rogers then?" Yep, sometimes she hates it.

"Right. I heard you've struck up a friendship with the Captain even before DC. Unlikely, if I do say so myself." Phil doesn't quite smile as he leans forward and rests his forearms on the table. "What did he do?"

"First of all, no, I didn't. And to answer your question, thankfully, nothing drastic." When neither of them respond, she takes that as a cue to explain, "He's fully recovered physically but mentally, emotionally… He's shaken; he's not taking the news well, obviously." She takes a deep breath and shakes her head once. "It's not like anyone would."

"That can't be easy," Phil add grimly. "It's a lot to take in."

"Definitely," Maria agrees. "But he'll get there; he has something to look forward to now." She sets her cup on the table and runs a hand through her hair.

"He didn't already?" Phil asks with an eyebrow raised as May looks away with a hint of a smile. It seems no matter how low SHIELD lies — or, well, how high the Bus flies — the gossip mongrels stay sharp.

Maria's eyes narrow at the screen but she doesn't take the bait. "He's been visiting Peggy. She's doing as well as can be expected, given her condition. I saw her last week, actually. She hasn't heard the news yet." She looks down and purses his lips. "And I didn't tell her."

"You shouldn't have to deliver the news yourself, Maria. And even if you had or she'd heard while she was coherent, she wouldn't hold SHIELD's downfall against you, Fury, or the rest of us."

The bitter tone in Maria's response is not lost on both agents when she replies, "Victoria Hand would beg to differ."

"Agent Hand's death was nobody's fault but Ward's," Phil tries for comfort but it feels a lot like justification.

"Like I said, I vetted him."

"Self-deprecating is not a good look on you, Maria." Phil feels like he's scolding a little sister. And perhaps, in a way, he is. "We worked closely with him but didn't even suspect, so whose shoulders should the blame really fall on?"

Still, she shakes her head. "I shouldn't have signed off on him in the first place. I told you my suspicions; I knew there was something off about him. I let it slide because I—"

"You what?" Phil prompts when she stays quiet for a while.

"Nothing, just forget it."

Then, May, who's been silent throughout the exchange, finally speaks up. "You saw yourself in him."

"Damn it, May," she mutters while massaging the bridge of her nose.

"You do have a lot in common: your background, your skill set, the way your minds work, the way you both stood out like a sore thumb — him in the academy, you in the Marines — because you were better than the rest even without trying. Those make you outstanding agents. But you differ in what matters most."

"What, I don't have a penis?" Droll, deadpan, and somewhat dirty.

"I was going to say you have a moral compass that at times may point a little left of center but never points south whereas he has none." May looks at her pointedly before shrugging. "But that works too."

"I despise that," Coulson interjects. "But May's right. Not about the penis thing— Can we all just agree not to insert penises in our conversations?"

"I don't know, Phil. Of the three of us, you're the only one who has the equipment." Maria hides her smile behind the coffee cup she's picked back up again.

"Walked right into that one." He shakes his head at that before continuing. "Anyway, the thing with people who have childhoods similar to yours is some grow into it, like Ward did, while others grow out of it. You did, and you're probably as good as they get."

"Then why am I Anakin in the scenario?" She asks, gesturing to the three of them.

"I think the better question here is, why are you not Darth Vader?"

"Point." Maria then clears her throat. Boy, have they gone off course. "How's Theta Protocol?"

"It's going great, actually. It's almost ready. I'll send you the schematics by the end of the week." Phil's pride shines through even if his smile is a little subdued. "But that's not why you called."

Maria nods. "Barnes. He's Rogers' last known tether to his past, his best friend. It's not in his character to let something this important to him go so I think he's going after Barnes. Maybe he's already started."

"And you want to help him." It isn't even a question at this point.

"I don't think he'll ask but if he does," she shrugs.

May nods and assures her, "We'll let you know if we hear anything; we need to get to him before Hydra does anyway."

She doesn't quite smile but she feels herself begin to relax. "Thank you."

"Of course." Phil's eyes crinkle as he smiles. "And Maria, you're not a little poop with knives sticking out of it." He's smirking now and Maria couldn't help the eye-roll as she remembers Phil's not so subtle jab at her drawing skills, or lack thereof. "You're a porcupine. A cute baby porc—"

"Shut up, Phil."

"You know who's probably resistant to porcupine quills?" At this, May rolls her eyes and pushes off from the cabinet she was leaning on. However, Maria doesn't miss the slight, dare she say amused, twitch of her lips before the door closes. It makes her wonder how long these two — Phil more than May, definitely — have been gossiping about her potential love life.

Potential love life?

She sighs, "Goodbye, Phil."

"Captain Ameri—" Tap.

* * *

 _A/N: Thoughts? Violent reactions? Sure hope not, but do leave a review if you please :)_


	6. Chapter 6

_A/N: Hey, guys. I've had a total of about 5 hours of sleep in the past three days (something I haven't experience since I graduated nearly two years ago), partly because of work but mostly because my mother got sick. On top of that, the Faculty Center in my old University burned down just a few hours ago. I kinda feel like shit right now but your comments/reviews always make me feel better so here you go. Hope you guys are doing a lot better than I am._

 _And if you're still reading up to this point, the third part of the series will be up next week._

* * *

 **yes, i'll admit that i'm a fool for you**

Scar tissue.

That's practically what lies in the space below her stomach. After getting shot, stabbed, impaled, electrocuted, and exploded at one too many times both from being a Marine and a SHIELD agent, the doctors say she's lucky to still be fully-functional. Lucky, completely in tune with her body, a health fanatic (although not really)... Whatever they want to call it.

She knows her body well and she keeps healthy (mostly anyway). And lucky, well, she's still alive so maybe whatever's looking out for her is doing a decent job at it. Except now.

She's late and she never is. Never the kind where she's a few minutes or hours late for a meeting. And certainly never the kind where she's over a month late in her period.

She's not on the pill, never had much use for it. And she remembers not having used protection that night with Steve. Condoms don't grow on abandoned facilities and apparently, normal people don't think of bringing a condom to a war zone. But then again, normal people don't have random one night stands amidst war either. Or maybe they do but Maria does not and she suspects, neither does (or did) Steve.

She tries to calm herself down because she's pretty sure the damage her body's been through made it impossible to conceive; the doctors said so before and she's made her peace with that. She gets her period along with a raging migraine one morning as she's leaving for work. She's relieved, all things considered, but the past week's got her stressed and on edge.

When she enters her office at Stark Industries, her senses are assaulted by a sweet aroma. However, before her brain registers what it is, she finds Steve waiting there. She almost doubles back and pretends she didn't see him. Almost. They stare at each other; her taking him in to catalog any injuries left and is relieved to find none, at least none that were visible, and him taking her in more to see how she's adjusted because he didn't get to ask back in the hospital or in the phone call.

"I'm sorry."

She realizes she's still by her doorway so she walks to her chair and sets her purse on her desk. "You've already said that," she replies, her words a bit clipped.

"I know but now that I've had time to think about it and to see how it's affected your life, I feel responsible for—"

"Jesus Christ, Steve!" She sees him flinch but she goes on, "Not every bad thing happening in this world is your fault." Because it isn't.

"But I told you to fire. I knew you already had too much weighing you down back then but I added to that by asking you to— And then making you believe—"

"You didn't _make_ me do anything I didn't already know I had to do." Her migraine is making itself more apparent and the situation at hand is not helping.

"You knew you had to shoot me down from the sky?" His attempt to lighten the mood falls flat again.

"With or without you in the equation, I would've found a way to burn SHIELD down to the ground if it meant HYDRA goes down with it. So, no. _You_ didn't _make me_ plan SHIELD's demise. _You_ didn't _make me_ fire on those helicarriers. _You_ didn't _make me_ believe you were dead." Although her tirade is tainted with mild exasperation, she remains calm even despite the throbbing in her head. "Don't beat yourself up over the choices _I_ made; it discredits me."

With that, Steve steps back as his shoulders sag. "That's not what I—"

"I know that wasn't your intention, Steve. I _know_."

He looks at her a while, trying to determine if she's sincere or if she's simply brushing him off. "I'm sorry I've upset you, Maria," he says when he's decided it's the former.

She sighs and shakes her head slightly, all fight drained from her body. "You haven't. But just— Just stop, okay?"

"Okay, I just…" He trails off before looking at her long and hard, as if he's waiting for something. "I'll just leave—"

The door to her office opens suddenly and in walks Tony who heard Steve's last apology and jokingly says, "Cap, you've upset my Security Director; you should be ashamed of yourself."

Steve says "Tony—" in unison with Maria's "Stark—" but Steve's focus stays on Maria.

"I'm kidding! So I—" Tony pauses when he sees the intense look Steve gives Maria. His gaze moves to Maria then back to Steve. "You know what? I can come back—"

"No, stay; I was just leaving anyway." Steve nods at him, then gives Maria one final glance before he exits her office.

"Stark," she greets again and gestures to the chair opposite her.

"So…" He sits the same time she does. "What was that about?"

Her response comes sharply and a little too quickly for her liking. "Nothing. What do you want?"

Tony studies her a bit before he announces, "You're cranky."

"Your volume is not helping my migraine." She _is_ cranky.

He figures it has to do with Steve; he considers pushing but decides against it. "Do you need a raise? It's been quite a while since you've had one."

"God, I hope you're talking about money," she mutters while massaging her temples.

"My, my, Ms. Hill, you've got a dirty mind."

She rolls her eyes and regrets it. "Given that Pepper just gave me a raise two months ago, I had to ask." Before Tony could add salt to the wound, she cuts him off, " _Anyway_ , no, I don't need a raise. I appreciate that both you and Pepper seem to value the work I do here but really, I already make more than twice what I used to make."

"So? You can always make more." He shrugs and waves his hand dismissively, "You know, save up for your future."

She's reminded momentarily of her pregnancy scare. "What was it you wanted again?"

"Oh," Tony's face morphs into grave seriousness with a side of puppy dog eyes; something she thinks only he is capable of. "I need your help on something."

"What did you do now?" Droll, in her usual manner.

"Why would you assume I did something?" This earns him an unimpressed look and a raised brow in response. "Fair enough," he concedes. "It's about Pepper."

The look she gives him resembles pity when she says, "You do know that no matter the situation, I'll always take her side over yours, right?"

"Jeez, what a vote of confidence." Also droll; they match somehow when he's not getting on the last of her nerves.

She shrugs, "It's what I do; it's good for your ego."

"And it's for that reason that I'm coming to you about this." He pipes back up again and starts rambling. "That, and you're friends and you have ladies' nights and you _talk_ —"

"Stark," she says and taps her wrist watch.

"Fine." He then puts a small red velvet box with gold lining on her desk.

Maria fake-gasps then and with a high-pitched, obnoxious voice, she exclaims, "Jeez, Mr. Stark, shouldn't you ask me out on a date first before proposing?"

"Ha-ha. Alright, you've had your fun, Hill. Now what do you think?"

She opens the box and looks at the diamond ring. "I think…" She trails off and remembers some of the stories Pepper has shared about their courtship and relationship. "That for all the times you've gone overboard with your gifts, you finally found the right balance." She looks back up at him and he just stares at her with wide eyes, willing her to elaborate. It makes one of the corners of her lips curl up.

Despite all his bravado, Tony Stark needs the verbal confirmation to be sure not only about the ring but also about his decision to propose. He's already asked Rhodey's opinion on it but his buddy has been on board since day one so he wants to be extra sure.

Maria genuinely smiles at him this time, "It's perfect." The ring _and_ the decision.

-x-

" _Stark, stop this." Maria shows him her tablet with the screen full of pop-ups from various dating websites._

 _Tony smirks and crosses his arm in feigned innocence and obvious amusement. "Why, Hill, I could find you someone better than anyone on a dating website."_

" _Shut it down," she grabs his arm and wipes the smirk off of his face when she adds, "Or I'll break your arm."_

" _Uh, you and I both know you can't do that; it's in your contract."_

 _Bruce, who was peacefully enjoying his tea, interjects, "It is?"_

 _Maria lets go of his arm but steps forward and instead threatens, "Do it or I'll call Pepper; you and I both know I'm not above that."_

 _At this, Tony's shoulders sag and he whines, "But you haven't even tried overriding the code!"_

" _I don't want to waste precious time undoing damage you caused as an idiot." She has her arms crossed now. "I only work on those you make as a genius and as Iron Man."_

" _But you'd spend_ precious time _arguing with me? Aww, Hill, I'm touched." His hand over his heart for emphasis._

 _Her eyes narrow. "JARVIS, get Pepper on the phone."_

" _Right away, Ms. Hill."_

" _Traitor!" Tony calls out into the air*_

" _I'm sorry, Sir," the A.I.'s tone is apologetic even as the first ring can be heard._

 _A stare down happens. On the second ring, Tony breaks. "Fine! Fine, you win." He proceeds to override the code then hands the tablet back to her._

" _There was never a competition to begin with," Maria smirks then walks away._

" _She got you on that one, Tony." Tony is confused especially at the amusement evident on Bruce's face. "She tricked you and you totally fell for it."_

" _What do you mean?"_

" _You didn't actually call Pepper, did you, JARVIS?"_

" _No, Dr. Banner. Ms. Potts is at a very important board meeting, not to be disturbed except for matters of life and death. Ms. Hill is aware of this and has already programmed me to make it seem like I was calling Ms. Potts."_

" _And she didn't tell you to keep this under wraps if I asked?"_

" _She told me, and I quote," JARVIS plays the audio of Maria saying, "'When he figures it out and asks, tell him. But show me his face the moment he realizes I've won from the very beginning.'"_

 _Tony drops his arms, "Oh, that sneaky, manipulative—"_

" _Don't be a sore loser, Stark." Maria reappears from behind the doorway she disappeared into then leans her shoulder on it._

" _Oh, I'm not. But this only means one thing."_

" _Oh, boy," Bruce interjects yet again._

" _Let the games begin!" Tony announces with his hands raised, obviously enjoying every second of it. "And leave Pepper out of it this time."_

" _It's not my fault you're whipped, Stark," Maria then turns and leaves._

-x-

Tony stares at her, blinking. "You're smiling." Maria's smile drops. "You actually smiled!" He stands up suddenly. "You just made it all cheesy." He takes the box from her hands. "God, Hill! I'm leaving before you go all heart eyes on me." She rolls her eyes, sighs, and shakes her head as he leaves but not before he stops by the doorway and sincerely, "Thanks, Maria."

She smirks and raises her eyebrow "Who's cheesy now?" It's his turn to roll his eyes but he couldn't stop the smile spreading on his face. "Idiot," Maria mutters.

He's in love. Maria wonders for what she considers a brief moment of weakness if she'll ever get to look at and feel for someone the way Tony does for Pepper. She shakes her head and ends up chuckling to herself when she realizes her migraine is gone.

She's about to start working when the door opens again. She looks up and sees Tony's head pop into her office. "By the way, your office smells like waffles. You know there's food here, right? You don't have to bring a lunchbox like a little kid. I mean, it's adorable but—"

" _Goodbye_ , Stark," She brushes him off and pretends to look busy when all she wanted to do was look for the source of the smell. When the door closes again, she waits — _1, 2, 3_ — then bolts up from her chair to follow the scent as her stomach growls. "Waffles, that's what it is." She finds a brown paper bag with a boxed meal of waffles, grapes, and cut-up melons on the chair she found Steve sitting on earlier. She pops a grape into her mouth and moans a little at the flavor. "Steve, you goddamn lifesaver."

* * *

 _A/N: I do not, nor will I ever,_ _support the "Tony Stark is a villain" stand, btw (and if you want to talk about Civil War, let's just establish that none of the Avengers, Bucky included, are villains). He is so much more than his facade and he's been through so much, betrayal and PTSD being on that list. If you don't like him, either give him a chance or just leave him alone, please. Thank you._

 _Hope you liked this chapter._


	7. Chapter 7

_Author's Notes: Hello! It was Cobie's birthday yesterday! And apparently, it's Maria's birthday today according to the MCU wikia? Regardless, here's the first part of the Avengers: Age of Ultron installment. It leans more on the lighter side of the fluff to angst scale so I hope you enjoy it._

* * *

 **you've got a way to keep me on your side**

"Lab's all set up, Boss," Maria says just in time for Tony to swivel his chair in her direction. Neither of them notice how Steve's shoulders tense before he looks up.

"Actually, he's the boss. I just pay for everything, and design everything, and make everyone look cooler."

Tony's response pulls at a corner of her lips but she straightens when Steve approaches. It's been a two months short of a year since she last laid eyes on him. As they walk into the tower, she goes on to explain what or, rather, who the Avengers have just faced in their latest battle.

"Wanda and Pietro Maximoff, twins, orphaned at 10 when a shell collapsed their apartment building. Sokovia's had a rough history. It's nowhere special but it's on the way to everywhere special."

"Their abilities?"

"He's got increased metabolism and improved thermal homeostasis; her thing is neuroelectric interfacing, telekinesis, mental manipulation—" He just looks at her and she knows, " _English_ ," and then clarifies, "He's fast; she's weird."

"Well, they're going to show up again."

"Agreed." Everything seems to be going smoothly and she relaxes a little because she knows she's dealing with Captain America and not Steve. At least up until she says, "File says they volunteered for Strucker's experiments. It's nuts."

"Right. What kind of monster would let a German Scientist experiment on them to protect their country?"

She considers apologizing but the small smile he's sporting tells her he's not offended. "We're not at war, Captain."

"They are," he manages to respond before the elevator doors shut.

-x-

Steve looks around the room; he's surprised he's lasted this long around so many people, mostly strangers, at a party Tony Stark organized. However, he finds himself missing something and needing a little reprieve from the evening's festivities, especially after trying the Asgardian mead Thor generously shared. It's not that he's drunk or even tipsy but for the first time since the serum, he feels the effects alcohol usually has on the human body.

And after the conversation he had with Sam — " _Home is home, you know?_ " — where he sees Maria, beautiful yet dangerous in her red dress, sitting comfortably on the couch, it doesn't take long before he craves a breath of fresh air so he puts on his jacket and fetches himself a bottle of beer then exits through the side door, the closest one leading to the balcony.

When he sees Maria's profile as she's leaning forward with her arms resting on the rails, he considers hightailing it in the opposite direction but instead blurts her name out. "Maria." His empty hand rises up to the back of his neck before he continues, "I didn't realize it was occupied."

If she were surprised, she shows no sign of it. "It's a huge, open space, Cap." He doesn't miss the name she addresses him with; it's informal and to an outsider would suggest a fair amount of ease. But to him, it's like his step forward is met with two steps back. He takes comfort in her amused expression despite the slight tension in the air. "We don't even have to talk."

"That's not what I—" He cuts himself off with a sigh because he knows it's a lie. He _has_ been avoiding her so he decides he won't anymore and walks towards her, leaving a little over a foot of space between them. He tries to find the right words to dispel the tension but she beats him to it, her direct approach simultaneously relaxing and pressuring him.

"You know…" She looks down at the bottle in her hands. "When I said stop, I didn't mean stop coming around. Or disappear altogether." This is their first actual conversation, and retrieving Loki's scepter was their first mission back.

"Yeah, I— Sam and I were—"

"Out looking for Barnes, I know." She gives him a look.

"Right, the phone call, of course. And," he leans one elbow on the rails but doesn't completely face her. "We can take you out of SHIELD but that doesn't mean we can take SHIELD out of you."

She nods and slowly straightens up to her normal height. "That, and I had a life before SHIELD."

"I'm well-aware, Lieutenant." At this, they share a bit of a smile before he grows serious. "I should've told you."

She shrugs, "Not really. But I could've helped, one way or another."

"I know," he looks down, as if finding the condensation on his beer bottle interesting all of a sudden.

She studies him for a while before she asks, "So why didn't you?" _Come around?_ "Or was it too personal for you to…" _Tell me?_

"You know it's not that. I just didn't want to ask any more from you than I already have." She just looks at him, her expression unreadable. "You've had your whole life turned around; I figured I'd give you time."

"A year?"

"It hasn't been a year—"

"Right, it's approaching 11 months now. So if Loki's scepter didn't get stolen, you would've waited what, one more month? Another full year?" She huffs a laugh. "Would you have shown up at all?"

"Of course, Maria, I wouldn't just leave permanently without a proper goodbye."

She considers leaving it at that so she just returns her gaze to the lights of the New York skyline. After a while, she says, "You could've called."

"Honestly? I've wanted to, more times than I kept count of." He pauses, shaking his head. "I just didn't think it was enough or that you'd want to hear from me."

"I told you, when I said stop, I didn't mean stop coming around."

"I know that now. And I'm sorry." It's her turn to shake her head.

"You've made a few friends here. I know you want your best friend back but…" She trails off, searching his face. For what, she doesn't know. "Don't push us away in the process." She realizes she'd included herself in the collective and backtracks. "I mean, at the very least, we were colleagues who got along well with each—"

"We were _friends_ , Maria." His amused smile turns shy and serious when he adds, "Still are, I hope?"

She looks away and says, "You're an idiot." Only the smile on her face as she takes a swig from her beer clues him in on what she meant. "And I still want to shoot you."

"I thought you already did?" Maria glares at him and lightly punches him in the arm closer to her.

He chuckles and raises both arms, palm and beer bottle facing her in surrender. "So why are you out here? Needed air?"

"Yes. I'm still not used to..." She gestures to the party inside. "All that."

Steve's head tilts as he turns to look inside. "Tony _can_ go a little overboard."

"A little?"

He chuckles again when he sees her raised eyebrow. "A lot. But he's not so bad."

-x-

 _Later that day, Pepper and Maria have tea in Maria's office. "So," Pepper starts as she sets her teaspoon down. "Bruce told me what happened." Because yes, she_ can _get Bruce talking. "Funny story."_

 _Maria makes a face as she casually waves a hand. "Stark was just being an idiot."_

" _And yet you humored him."_

 _Maria simply shrugs, "Let him have his fun."_

 _Pepper is surprised but she hides her smile behind her teacup. She studies Maria for a long time that Maria finds herself sitting up straighter. "Thank you, Maria." Maria tilts her head and her brows furrow slightly. "For being patient with him and indulging him every now and then. I know it's not part of your job description."_

" _You make it sound like such an ordeal."_

" _It's not?" Pepper gives her a look. She knows it can be; she's in love with the man._

" _It_ is _." Maria doesn't disguise the slight growl that came with her response._

 _Pepper's laugh is evident in her voice as she says, "You know, he likes you." At Maria's scoff, she insists, "He does! I think he considers you a friend."_

" _Are you kidding me? A friend wouldn't hack into your tablet with the intention of flooding your screen with pop-ups from dating websites."_

" _A friend would, actually. Maybe not exactly the way he did it but if a friend believes you deserve a little fun, he or, well,_ she _might think you needed the push."_

 _She blinks, "You didn't."_

" _No, Maria, I didn't." Maria glares. "Well—" Then groans. "I may have mentioned that I was thinking of setting you up with someone—"_

" _Pepper, no."_

" _I know. I didn't and I won't but Tony must have gotten the idea from our conversation and tried to…" She trails off and tries to bite back her smile but fails, "Help."_

" _With fucking dating websites."_

 _Pepper pauses at this and frowns a bit. "Unfortunately, yes, but," she leans forward and she goes on, "If he didn't care, he would've just left it at that."_

" _Sure," Maria finds herself feeling more amused than anything._

" _If he didn't care, Maria, he wouldn't even speak at length with you; granted, you always shut him up. But much less, he wouldn't constantly argue with you."_

 _Maria hums as she sips her tea before, "Wait, are you telling me he shows_ affection _through argument and opposition?"_

 _Pepper has what Maria imagines as a lovesick expression on her face as she explains, "Tony only argues with and annoys the hell out of people he deems worthy of his attention. Or people he's eager to get the attention of."_

 _For a brief moment, Maria wonders if that was how Pepper and Tony's relationship was before they got together. "Yeah, he's like a kindergartner, pulling pigtails like that."_

" _And most people can't see through that. That's why I thanked you."_

 _A rather long silence falls on them as Maria thinks about Tony Stark and his antics. "I guess he's not the worst I could be stuck with." Then she quickly adds, "Don't tell him I said that."_

" _I would never," Pepper says and she looks so proud that Maria can't help returning her smile._

-x-

When Maria simply responds with a hum and a small smile, Steve asks with wide eyes, "Wow, really? No arguments or violent reactions?"

She shrugs, "I agree with you." Steve's eyes widen even more. "But I won't say those words out loud; he's got eyes and ears everywhere." _JARVIS._

"I might need time to fully process and absorb this development."

"Drama queen." They share a laugh before looking back towards the skyline. "So what about you, why did you come out here?" In a teasing voice, she asks, "Are you _hiding_ from someone?"

"Hiding? No. _Maybe_ I was looking for someone." He glances at her from the corner of his eye.

"And you're still here because?" She glances at him and takes another swig from her beer.

He turns his head slightly to look at her. " _Maybe_ I don't want to look anymore." He's making everything tentative with _maybe_ but he honestly, truthfully means every word.

She looks at him and couldn't have been more wrong when she asks, "Giving up so easily?" (Oh, Maria, you flawlessly beautiful and oblivious baby porcupine.)

" _Never_." His body now also turns. "Because _maybe_ ," He is now fully facing her and slightly leaning towards her. "I've already found her." Their gazes become intense almost instantly and everything now seems to hold a different meaning. Maria is surprised by how much she wants each of his statements to be true; Steve is surprised by how much he wants her to believe they are. Desire clouds over and darkens their eyes, their gazes growing heated when they remember their night together.

Maria shivers. Whether from the cold or from the memories, Steve's uncertain. "Here." He strips himself of his jacket and starts to hand it to her.

"No, I'm fine."

"Maria, come on, you're shivering." Maria stares at the jacket a little longer than necessary, as if she wants nothing more than to bolt. "It's just a jacket, Maria." When her hand rises to receive the jacket, Steve shifts to stand behind her. "Let me help you." When his jacket is securely resting on her shoulders, he pauses a bit, wanting to wrap his arms around her but refrains and moves back beside her.

He pulls the jacket front closer together when she turns back to him. "Thanks." She refuses to meet his eyes as she basks in the warmth and smell of him surrounding her. She hasn't realized she missed _him_ until now. The realization has her clearing her throat before looking up and asking, "So what really brought you out here?"

Steve thinks of insisting on his previous answer but decides not to push it. "Space. Tony's making everyone dance and," It's not a total lie when he says, "I can't."

"Can't or won't?"

"I won't because I can't? I never learned."

"Oh? Come on," she tilts her head in the direction of the party. "If I get drunk enough, I might just teach you."

"You need to get drunk first? I don't think I'd be _that_ bad." They're laughing as they enter; neither of them notice that they caught Natasha's attention as they head to the bar. Steve sits on a stool and Maria fixes their drinks before excusing herself to go to the bathroom.

In swoops Natasha, seemingly nonchalant but he knows she always has an agenda no matter how innocent. " _Steve._ "

" _Natasha._ "

"Enjoying yourself so far?"

He takes a deep breath as his eyes take in the rest of the room. "Yeah. I'm fine, Natasha, you don't need to worry about me."

She makes a show of looking around. "I don't see Sharon anywhere. The nurse?" And here comes her agenda. "Did you call her?"

"Oh, she's not a nurse, you know that. And no, I didn't." He takes a sip from the drink Maria made for him.

He feels her watching him intently and it almost makes him squirm. "Why not?"

"Did you know she was Peggy's niece?"

"I knew she was a Carter."

He nods and tells her, "I saw her once when I visited Peggy. I knew she looked familiar; I just didn't place it until that moment. We ended up talking, sharing stories; we're friends."

"Friends?" She's smiling at him sweetly now like she's baiting him somehow; he's not falling for it this time.

"Exchanging stories about Peggy before and after the war and getting a glimpse of the parts of her life we weren't privy to…" He trails off and smiles, "We're more interested in that than in each other. At least not in the way you're insinuating."

"Because you're interested in someone else." She glances somewhere behind Steve and he turns his head to follow her gaze. It leads to Maria who's still in his jacket while talking to Clint and Tony; it looks like they're about to start a poker game. "I'm guessing since DC?"

"That's— We're— No, Natasha, it's not…" He trails off as heat creeps up his neck and cheeks. "It's not like that between us. Maria is— We're not— No." _Eloquent._

His use of Maria's first name does not go unnoticed and it makes Natasha think, " _But you want it to be_." She wants to tease him about it but instead allows him a little mercy. "Oh, no, of course not. I mean, it's _just_ a jacket, Steve." She says but the smile she gives him tells him she's got it all figured out. She stands up and walks towards Maria's general direction. She sits gracefully on a chair close enough to Maria and with a small smirk says, "Nice jacket."

Her voice is loud enough to carry over to where Steve is. He blushes slightly and like a bolt of lightning, it strikes him. It's not _just_ a jacket; it was his offer of _something_ and she accepted — albeit reluctantly and he's not about to assume anything. But she _accepted_ and now everyone can _see_. He walks over to join in on the fun and meets Maria's questioning gaze with a goofy grin as he passes her the drink she prepared earlier because, " _Man, if the jacket doesn't look great on her_."

When the challenge of lifting Mjolnir comes, not even the failure to lift it dampens his mood because Clint says, "You bet your ass."

And she interjects with, "Steve, he said a bad language word."

She's having a laugh, wearing his jacket, calling him Steve, and teasing him in a room full of the people who matter. And she's comfortable. It isn't much but it's _something_. And he knows progress when he sees it.

* * *

 _A/N: It's that goddamn jacket. Nearly a year after the AOU release and I'm still trying to figure out whether it was a deliberate/scripted act, or something discussed before or during filming, or (as a friend keeps arguing) just a show of Steve's inherent chivalrous ways, or something that just happened on set and looked cute so they decided to keep it, or...? I mean, why include it in the first place?_


	8. Chapter 8

_Author's Notes:_ _Greetings of (too much) sunshine from the tropics. And since I finished a deadline, I'm rewarding myself with this update. Nineteen days to go before CA:CW where I'm from and the ticket reservations are already full; it's absolute torture. Anyway, I hope you're all doing well. Enjoy!_

* * *

 **you give me cause for love that i can't hide**

"I'm sorry, it _is_ funny; it's a hoot that you don't get why we need this."

Maria's ears perk up, eager to listen to Tony. From SHIELD's analysis of the genius and from her own observations of him, his methods might be borderline outrageous but his motivations? His heart is right where hers lies. They make the hard decisions no one else wants to make and they're both quickly seen as the villain.

Bruce tries to diffuse the situation. "Tony, maybe this might not be the time to—"

"Really? That's it? You just roll over, show your belly, every time somebody snarls?"

"Only when I've created a murder bot," retorts the doctor.

"We didn't. We weren't even close. Were we close to an interface?"

"Well, you did something right. And you did it right here." Steve interrupts, his voice and presence reminiscent of the calm before a storm. "The Avengers were supposed to be different from SHIELD." _Stab_. Maria knows it wasn't directed at her but it still stings, much like the pieces of glass she's picked from her foot. Distracted by her own thoughts, she doesn't notice Natasha and Clint exchange glances before looking down at the jab.

"Anybody remember when I carried a nuke through a wormhole?" Everyone's eyes collectively roll.

"Nope, it's never come up."

"Saved New York?" But Tony isn't bragging; he even ignores Rhodey's quips.

"Never heard that."

"Recall that? A hostile alien army came charging through a hole in space. And we're standing 300ft below it! We're the Avengers; we can bust arms dealers on a livelong day but... That out there? That's the endgame." With the exception of Colonel Rhodes, none of them have ever heard Tony Stark sound so resigned. Maria can't fault the man; he makes a valid point and his intentions were pure even if the methods were questionable and produced adverse results. "How do you guys plan on beating that?"

"Together," Steve answers, conviction evident in his tone.

Quietly, Tony voices out what the others are likely thinking. "We'll lose."

"Then we'll do that together too." And Captain freaking America strikes again. It boosts everyone's morale but Maria doesn't miss the subdued yet present worried look on Tony's face so she watches him until they all disperse into their respective nooks and roles.

Steve catches up to Maria who is successfully hiding her limp. "You got hurt."

"Yeah, well, so did everyone else. I want to say I'll just hurt them back but they're fucking robots so I'll just walk it off." Ironically, she accidentally puts her weight on a particularly deep gash left by a piece of broken glass. Her breath hitches and her balance goes a little off, making her sway slightly. She manages to stay upright on her own but Steve's already got his hands on her — one on her arm and the other around her waist.

"You okay?" She hums but he refuses to let her go when she takes her next few steps.

"I can handle it, Steve, go." She puts a hand on the one resting on her arm before asserting, "Walk it off, soldier."

He looks at her, trying to assess if she's being truthful. Once he does, he nods, brushes his hand down her arm then squeezes both her hand and her waist. If he notices her breathing quicken as he leaves, he doesn't comment on it and she doesn't dare bring it up.

-x-

As the elevator doors open, she informs him, "He's all over the globe. Robotics labs, weapons facilities, jet propulsion labs… Reports of a metal man, or men, coming in and emptying the place."

"Fatalities?"

"Only when engaged. Most of the guys left in a fugue state; going on about old memories, worst fears, and something too fast to see."

"Maximoffs." He shakes his head as they make their way up the steps. "Well, it makes sense that he'd go to them; they have someone in common."

"Not anymore." She hands him the tablet and when she looks up at him, she realizes how close they were standing so she subtly moves away by leaning on the rails of the staircase. "If it were my mission — world peace — I'd probably take out Strucker too. Ultron could be in any system; he could be pulling planes down from the sky." She searches for any minute changes in his expression. "What if he's just doing what he's supposed to?"

His brows are furrowed when he looks up at her. "If I thought Ultron were bringing peace, I'd hang up my shield."

She bites back a scoff but her smile betrays it anyway along with her tone when she asks, "Would you?"

His non-response does not surprise her, especially when he ends the conversation instead. "Let me know if he leaves any more messages." As she watches his retreating form, she almost wishes he'd argued with her over it.

-x-

Maria arrives at Clint's home with Fury in tow. During their flight over, Maria brings up her concerns about something Tony's not telling them. They greet Laura first before they send her out to get the genius. She stays in the shadows and listens to the conversation between Tony and Nick.

"Hello, Deere. Tell me everything. What ails you?"

"Do me a favor: Try not to bring it to life."

Tony sighs, "Mrs. Barton, you little minx. I get it, Maria Hill called you, right? Was she ever _not_ working for you?" Maria doesn't need to see the look on his face; his feelings about her are evident in his bitter tone. And there's another betrayal in her book.

"I'm just an old man who cares very much about you."

"And I'm the man who killed the Avengers." She feels herself frowning because he's not making sense. "I saw it; I didn't tell the team. How could I? I saw them all dead, Nick; I felt it. The whole world too. And it's because of me. I wasn't ready. I didn't do all I could." And there it is.

"The Maximoff girl? She's working you, Stark, playing on your fear." Maria silently agrees but as Tony speaks, his conviction in what he saw and resignation to that very fate tugs at her, makes her feel for the man.

"I wasn't tricked; I was shown. It wasn't a nightmare; it was my legacy, the end of the path I started us on."

Nick's voice is softer when he answers, "You come up with some pretty impressive inventions, Tony. War isn't one of them."

"I watched my friends die. You'd think that'd be as bad as it gets, right?" She watches him shake his head. He looks so defeated, especially when he adds, "But no, it wasn't the worst part."

"The worst part was that you didn't."

Over the years, she's lighted her fair share of candles for her departed brothers-in-arms, for people she's outlived both in the Marines and at SHIELD, and it never did get easier. Nick's been in this business long enough to have collected his own. And now Tony Stark is stuck in a limbo, somewhere between the present and what he believes to be the inevitable, apocalyptic future.

She doesn't stick around to hear how their conversation ends. She leaves to go check on everyone else and upon exiting the barn, she sees Steve surrounded by piles of chopped wood.

At the sight of her, he stops abruptly and stares at her looking so casual — her hair down, wearing jeans, boots, and a loose white shirt with the sleeves rolled up to her elbows. With the farmhouse behind her, it almost looks as though she fits. For a brief moment, he wonders what it would be like to have something like this with her, living the simple life and seeing her relaxed and smiling back at him every day of their lives. When she moves to approach him, he blinks, "Maria?"

"You okay, soldier?"

He reaches out and grips her forearm then sighs in relief as his hand slides down to hers and tugs her closer. "You're real." It's not another one of those visions. She doesn't hide her surprise at his immediate physical response and their apparent closeness but she doesn't pull away either. He shakes his head and remembers her question. "I'm getting there, Lieutenant."

"If you want to talk about it…" _I'm here_. She wonders when she became a sounding board for the Avengers' personal business because here she is, lending an ear yet again.

When he nods, she moves to sit on one of the protruding roots of the nearby tree. He lets go of her hand but follows closely and sits next to her, not quite touching but certainly closer than necessary. Comfortable silence falls upon them; his heat warming her despite the chilly air, and her presence somehow grounding him to reality.

After he tells her what he was shown, they're both quiet. "Dancing with Peggy felt so real, Maria," his voice low and quiet as he speaks. "It was tempting to stay and not go back but…" He glances at her and finds her watching him. "I don't belong there anymore." He bows his head as he continues. "I see Peggy regularly and despite the regret I still feel sometimes about having missed out on her life, I'm glad she found happiness with the people she already had and eventually gained along the way. I figured I'd do the same." He looks up with a smile when he says, "Plus, Bucky's alive. And though I still have no clue where he is, I know he's out there and I'll see him someday." Quietly, he adds, "They're both survivors."

"So are you." He then turns to meet her gaze and nods.

"Besides, a wise woman once told me not to push the present away in my desire to hold onto the past. So I want to move on; live in the present and look to the future."

She's smiling at him as she stands then puts her hand on his shoulder. "Welcome back, Steve."

He takes her hand in his and squeezes. "It's good to _be_ back, Maria."

When they go into the house to regroup, the planning goes smoothly. So smoothly, in fact, that the tension between Maria and Tony becomes so evident, especially when he refuses to even acknowledge her presence. Fury would've called Tony out on it if Bruce hadn't figured out Ultron's plan.

-x-

After they've discussed bedroom arrangements, Maria volunteers to do the dishes. Steve offers to help but she insists that they all need to rest before tomorrow's battle. "It's the least I can do since your place has turned into a frathouse overnight," she assures Laura.

As she's doing the dishes, she sighs, "Clint."

"Busted," he replies as he leans on the doorway, his voice just a tad louder than a whisper.

"I know your footsteps." She looks at him over her shoulder. "And your floorboards creak."

Clint scratches lightly at the back of his neck. "Yeah, I've been meaning to fix that." Maria only hums in response as she waits for his angle. "So… You and Cap, huh?"

Her scrubbing pauses for just a beat before she resumes her task. She expected him to bring up Tony and the palpable tension between them, not this. So she maintains a cool, almost indifferent approach as she asks, "What about us?"

"Oh, so there's an 'us' between you now?"

She tries to remain stoic but a slight warning tone slips out. "It's a fucking pronoun."

"Ooh, touchy subject. Speaking of _touchy_ …" He pauses as he takes a bite out of an apple and leans against the counter close to Maria. "I saw you by the tree earlier. So did Laura. Figured something's going on."

"Nothing's going on, Clint." She focuses her attention on the task at hand and refuses to meet his obvious scrutiny.

"So the hand holding, the sitting and standing close to each other, the not-quite embrace after Ultron's first attack, the small smiles you share… Those mean nothing?" At her silence, he remembers where it all began. "And the food! What is up with that?"

This time, she looks him straight in the eyes. "You know about that?"

" _Please_. Why do you think I invited him to your table that first time?" Clint looks at her, trying to convey offense at his observation skills being questioned. "I know how much you value personal space. And after that first marksmanship test, I know your aversion to physical contact."

-x-

 _They were told that target shooting starts at noon sharp. It's 12:47 and their supposed_ judge _is nowhere to be seen. Some of her contemporaries have lost interest and patience; she's irked by the delay but she thinks it's all part of the test. She's proven wrong when the door opens to reveal Agent Coulson and Deputy Director Fury escorting and apparently scolding a younger man in a sleeveless uniform._

" _I know, I know. I forgot about it, fell asleep." The man is now rubbing at his eyes and adjusting something in his ear. "Jeez, you don't have to yell."_

 _Agent Coulson, the ever-patient man that he is, simply says, "We understand that you don't particularly enjoy this part of your job but knowing you, it'll only take an hour or two tops."_

" _We all gotta do what we have to do, Barton." The older man says casually yet somehow gravely. "You do this, and your debt's cleared."_

 _The younger man perks up at this. "Well, if you put it that way, then let's get this party started!" He claps twice. "Who's first?" The other two men leave and the test begins._

 _While awaiting her turn, Maria observes the man throughout the test. The actual testing area is closed off but the viewing deck where the man is stationed has glass walls. The outright bored look he has while slouching in his seat even as he jokes and messes around with the recruits coupled with how he behaved with Agent Coulson and Deputy Director Fury suggests a certain angle. That much ease with his superiors and enough leeway to merit lounging around and skipping menial tasks like this one speaks of his skill and value in the organization._

 _When her turn comes, she doesn't cower under his scrutiny and instead meets his gaze confidently. Once he's done explaining the mechanics_ — _one gun with a full magazine and no extra ammo, the same number of scattered and sometimes mobile targets; hit all or as many targets as you can in as short a time as possible_ — _she picks up the gun and deftly performs all the safety precautions in a matter of seconds. The minute the simulation begins, she starts hitting every target, stationary or moving, with a head shot._

 _In the viewing room, Clint sits up straight at her 4_ _th_ _consecutive headshot and was out of his chair at her impressive 8_ _th_ _double head shot where she manages to time it in such a way that a moving target lines up with another. She aims at the last one, hidden at a darker corner and hits. She's managed to locate and hit all 12 targets in under 30 seconds and with one round to spare._

 _She's just removed her headset when she feels a hand on her shoulder. She's running on pure instinct when she quickly elbows the person and hears him cough as she takes the hand off her shoulder then twists it behind his back._

" _Ow!" Comes his whine followed by, "Whoa, whoa! I didn't mean to startle you."_

" _Then don't sneak up on me." She lets go but not before adding, "And don't touch me."_

 _The man stretches his arms to alleviate the residual pain. He ponders about what could make someone so young be so on edge that she would react so violently to a simple touch; none of the scenarios he comes up with point toward a happy childhood or life in general._

" _You know, that hurt. But I'm thoroughly impressed." He then extends his right hand, "I'm Clint Barton, by the way."_

" _Maria Hill." She manages to shake his hand despite her shock. "_ You're _Hawkeye?"_

" _I feel like I should be offended." He laughs then turns serious. "Training starts Monday, 9AM sharp; I promise I won't be late."_

-x-

"And yet Cap." He simply watches her process everything he's saying. "Do I need to have a conversation with him about boundaries?"

"No, Clint, he's—" She pulls at the drain and finishes up with the last of the dishes. "I don't know what to tell you except that none of whatever this is was planned and he just…"

"Grew on you?"

"Like a _weed_ ," she exclaims in exasperation. When she's done, she wipes her hands on a hand towel and leans on the counter beside Clint.

"But you're comfortable?"

She nods. "I still find it strange at times but yeah. He'd be icing his sorry ass otherwise."

Clint just raises an eyebrow but his lips begin to form a smile. "But if you ever need me to beat him up for you, I will, supersoldier serum be damned." Before she even refutes his statement, he already raises a hand to stop her. "I know you can hold your own, but if you need me, I'm there."

She smiles at him in thanks. "I'll remember that. But I don't think I'll need it regardless of whether something happens between us or not. He's…" She trails off in search of an appropriate word to describe Steve and frowns as she says, "Safe. Does that make sense?"

"It does. And that's good to know." He leans towards her and affectionately puts his hand on top of her head. "Do whatever makes you happy, Maria."

She hums before she says, "Your son's gotten a lot taller than I remember." It's random enough that he follows her gaze to see his son sleepily climbing up the stairs.

"Yeah?" He looks so much like a normal dad who's proud of his child. "Earlier today, he said you're a lot prettier than he remembers you. Must be that easy smile you've been sporting as of late." He teases her as he nudges her. "Huh? Huh?"

"You're an idiot." She tosses the towel to his face then walks away, leaving him chuckling alone in his kitchen.

-x-

After saying her goodbyes to the Bartons, Maria goes straight to her sequestered quinjet and starts it up while waiting for Nick and Bruce. The rest of the Avengers are all geared up waiting for Tony and Steve.

"If Ultron's really building a body…"

Tony finishes his thought for him. "He'll be more powerful than any of us, maybe all of us. An android designed by a robot."

"You know, I really miss the days when the weirdest thing science ever created was me."

Nick interrupts them as he's shrugging on his jacket. "I'll drop Banner off at the Tower. Mind if I borrow Ms. Hill?"

"She's all yours." Tony says and nearly spits, "Apparently."

Fury doesn't even hide his amusement at Tony's bitterness. Earlier, he talked to Tony in the barn after Maria advised him to do so out of concern. And now this display of hurt and bitterness at Maria's still being SHIELD even while working at Stark Industries. He wonders now if Tony includes his young deputy in his list of friends.

"What are you gonna do?" Steve asks even as Fury's smirk is still directed at Tony.

"I don't know. Something dramatic, I hope."

* * *

 _A/N:_ _I was particularly excited about one of the interactions in this chapter. Share your thoughts; I love reading about them. Stay safe x_


	9. Chapter 9

_Author's Notes:_ _Hello! So this update took longer than the earlier ones did. I just wasn't sure about /a lot/ of it, like if they were organic in how this series, esp the characters, played out and such. I even managed to sneak in a one-shot spin-off (what?) called Ghost (check it out if you haven't; I'd love to hear about your thoughts on it). So without further ado, here's the last chapter of this installment._

* * *

 **for you i know i'd even try to turn the tide**

"Glad you like the view, Romanoff. It's about to get better." No one dares to give voice to what most of the SHIELD agents were thinking: Nicholas J. Fury is one proud mama bear. "Nice, right? Pulled her out of mothballs with a couple of friends. She's rusty but she'll do."

Steve could barely help smiling despite the urgency of the situation. "Fury, you son of a bitch."

"Ooh, you kiss your mother with that mouth?" He just couldn't let an opportunity like that pass.

Before Natasha goes off to usher the citizens of Sokovia into the lifeboats, she supplies, "Not his mother, I tell you."

"Natasha—"

Steve starts but Maria cuts him off. "Altitude is 18,000 and climbing." Despite having her back turned to Fury, Maria still feels his eyes on her. What she doesn't know is that he's looking at her fondly, amused that even after all this time, his deputy would think she could keep a secret this big from him.

"This is SHIELD?" Pietro asks.

Steve beams with pride when he answers, "This is what SHIELD's supposed to be." And Natasha couldn't agree more.

-x-

A few months after the events in Sokovia, Maria is in her office on a video call with the Director of SHIELD. By now, the tensions caused by Phil's not-quite resurrection are slowly being remedied and smoothed out.

Steve knocks on her open door. "Maria," he greets as he walks over to her desk and sets a brown paper bag on it. When she clears her throat and shifts her gaze from him to somewhere behind him, he tries to hide his surprise and embarrassment at being caught. "Coulson," he greets. There's still the remnants of tension there from the revelation but he's dealing with it far better than most, especially Natasha and Clint.

-x-

 _Upon the opening of the new Avengers facility, Maria gathers all of the Avengers. She's back in SHIELD uniform, albeit a new design, heading the facility as the special liaison to the Avengers and announces that from now on, Fury will be a SHIELD consultant, much like former Director Carter before she retired entirely. "One more thing…"_

 _When she pauses longer than normal, Tony speaks up, looking bored as ever and still refusing to look Maria in the eyes._ " _Out with it, Hill. If it's about you and Cap—"_

 _This earns a number of reactions from around the room: a low whistle from Clint, a smirk from Natasha, an "oh snap!" and a grin from Sam, a shocked stare from Rhodey, a Maria-to Steve-to Maria-then repeat kind of surprise from Bruce, a thundering exclamation of joy from Thor echoed by a still-recovering Pietro, and a mere blink from Vision who then turns to a smiling Wanda for explanation._

" _Tony," Steve reprimands even as his cheeks turn a shade of pink._

 _Maria tenses and glares at Tony, even as she feels heat rising up her neck. She hears a chuckle from behind her before she says, "It's not, not that that's any of your business." She waits for the cheers to die down. "There's something very important you need to know. However, I think it would be better if he tells you himself. And before any of you go on a rampage, let the man talk." When she has everyone's undivided attention, she prompts, "Phil?"_

 _The man in question finally comes out from somewhere behind her as she steps back, steeling herself for what's about to happen but she's met with silence. She looks around and sees shock primarily but there are expressions of anger and confusion thrown in as well. She meets Clint's eyes and almost instantly averts her gaze but doesn't._

 _Betrayal. She's done it again; first Natasha, then Nick, then Tony, and now Clint and everyone else._

" _For those of you I haven't had the pleasure of meeting, I'm Phillip Coulson, the new director of SHIELD." He nods at them in greeting. Steve's gaze shifts to Maria and notices the slight bowing of her head. "As for the rest of you, I'm sorry," he pauses, his expression grave. "Fury told me he's had it out with Commander Hill more times than he could count; starting with whether to push through with the procedure that saved my life, and then when it was successful, about whether to inform you or not._

 _They've discussed it with me, and at first, I just wasn't ready to let any of you know and to go out in the open when I still had some questions myself. So I decided not to. After that, the timing was never quite right. With the Mandarin, Hydra, Ultron… And it turns out, being underground with my own team served a purpose. You'll meet them soon enough; and some of you might already know them."_

" _How did all this stay hidden in light of D.C.?" Comes Natasha's firm yet edgy voice. "I left no stones unturned in that SHIELD dump."_

" _It wasn't in the database. It was in a separate one that Fury entrusted me with. Along with a few others." At this, he glances beside him._

 _Even as Maria keeps her head bowed down slightly, her gaze shifts forward, focusing on a blank spot ahead. There is that lingering bitterness over getting passed over; she wanted that job and there was no mistaking that she deserved it 100%. She hasn't completely made her peace with the situation but she's getting there; the reminder just doesn't sit well with her._

" _If you have any issues with how the matter was handled, direct them to me. Undergoing the procedure may have been Fury's decision but keeping it a secret this long was mine. And don't take it out on Commander Hill because I hate to admit it but you're better off in Maria's hands than in mine."_

 _He looks at Maria who's now frowning at him for attempting to ward off outbursts that may come her way. He only smiles at her before he straightens up further as he wraps up his speech. "I hope that in time, you'll accept the situation…" He trails off and looks at both Natasha and Clint, "And find it in you forgive me."_

-x-

"How are you doing?"

"I'm doing alright, Captain. Thank you." Maria thinks Phil could at least try to downplay his fanboy crush.

"It's Steve, really. And the kids?"

"You know, you're not that much older in number of years lived, Cap." Comes the quirky response of one Daisy Johnson who then flops onto Coulson's desk. "And he's never gonna work up the nerve to be on a first name basis with you, trust me." She then raises her hand in a short wave before saying, "Hey, Commander Hill. May's out babysitting FitzSimmons. She didn't say it but I'm sure she misses you."

Phil huffs. "What have I told you about butting into other people's business?"

"Not to?" Daisy gives him the puppy dog eyes. "Hey, if the call was private, you would've closed your door."

"Should've done the same," Droll, even as Maria gives Steve a look of reproach.

He apologizes. "I just dropped by to say that Tony's on his way, said he wants to talk to you." He watches her intently for any reaction but she keeps her gaze lowered. He suppresses a sigh then gives Phil and Daisy a nod on his way out but he pauses by the door. "You should eat before he gets here. Even if it's just a cream cheese bagel."

They share a smile — his more like a grin, hers with just a hint of teeth — as they remember how their ritual began. She forces her poker face on before saying, "I'll meet Stark when he gets here. Back to work, Captain. And close the door on your way out."

"Of course, Commander."

When the door closes, Phil asks Daisy to give him and Maria some privacy which prompts her to respond with another question.

"Is this the part where you ask her what her intentions are with Cap? Because I _cannot_ be the only one who saw that." She's obviously beyond excited as she turns back to Maria. "And he brought you lunch? That's so sweet! Way to go, Cap—"

"Out, Johnson." Maria deadpans and watches the younger agent grumble on her way out.

Phil gets to the point. "So it's official then?"

"What is?"

"Don't play coy with me. The guy called you Maria at work, brought you lunch, and sauntered into your office like it's a regular thing. And those smiles? Those can't still mean nothing."

"I'm not sure that's the best course of action right now—" Maria starts but Phil is having none of it.

"Screw that. You're Commander Hill and Captain America. You've been through so much, both individually and as a unit. The only important question here is: Do you want it? Because it sure looks like he does."

"That was never the issue." She hangs her head to hide the blush that's creeping up her cheeks.

Phil is itching to tease her about it but opts to take the matter seriously. "Maria, for once, try not to think of the consequences and do what makes you happy. You deserve it; you both do." He'll have plenty of time to tease her after she gets her shit together.

"You've always been a romantic, Phil, but—" She doesn't get to finish her statement. She taps her earpiece. "I'm on my way." Tap. "I have to—"

"Go." Phil smiles. "And Maria, it seems the rest of the team's already on board with the idea. So think about it."

-x-

When she comes down from her office to meet Tony, she finds him either admiring the vast greenery or watching the recruits training outside of the facility. "Mr. Stark," she greets when she's close enough. "What can I do for you?"

"'Mr. Stark'? Really?"

"If you want an apology, you're not—"

"I don't want an apology; I already know I won't get one." Tony gives her a look. "I've thought about it a lot. About how unfair—" Maria huffs but Tony raises a finger and continues, "About how unfair _I've_ been. You were only making the best out of a bad situation and I was too selfish to see that."

Maria looks as him long and hard with narrow eyes. "That's really big of you."

Tony shrugs. "Pepper walked me through it." He sees Maria nod from the corner of his eye. "After she said yes," he adds then almost shyly glances at her.

"Congratulations, I guess," she pauses and still with a straight face, says, "I'll send her my condolences the minute you leave." The smirk threatening to pull at the corners of her mouth is met with a good-natured eye-roll as Tony puts his hands in his pocket.

"She showed me how you and I are two sides of the same coin. Our methods may differ but we're working towards the same goal. We're not afraid to make tough choices even if other people don't necessarily approve of them." He looks at her with a small smirk. "Like Ultron for me, being a double-agent for you. Oh, and keeping _Agent_ a secret, let's not forget about that."

With an unamused expression, she asks, "Then what do you want from me? A hug?" One of her eyebrows raise when Tony perks up.

"You know what, you're cool; it'd probably be weird. So…" He extends his hand for her to shake, which she does. But before he can let go, she surprises him by tugging at his hand and pulling him into a hug.

"You're a good person, Tony. An idiot, but you've got a good heart." When they pull away, he still looks surprised. "Don't let anything tarnish it." She claps his shoulder once before completely letting go and stepping back. "And you're welcome here anytime so don't be a stranger."

He nods then blinks. "Can I say something?" At Maria's nod, he rolls his shoulders and says, "You're freakishly strong."

-x-

When Tony leaves, she watches by the windows of her office and waves when he passes her by in his car.

"Don't _I_ get a hug?"

She turns to see a smirking Steve with his arms crossed as he's leaning on the door he's just locked. "Don't push it, Steve. Phil already caught you calling me Maria at work." She presses a button on the corner of the windows to make them heavily tinted and reflective on the outside then sits on her chair. Steve follows her and slowly swivels her chair so she's facing him then places his hands on the table behind her, leaving her trapped between his arms with only a few inches between their faces.

"I enjoyed Disneyland last month." She hums in response, her eyes crinkling at the sides as she tries to tamp down on her smile. "And cooking for you two weeks ago. Oh, and the movie marathon the week before that." She hums again. "And dancing last week. And the video games on Monday night." She notices the slight darkening of his eyes when he continues, "And the sparring session yesterday." This time, she's grinning and biting her lower lip because at the end of that sparring session, when she had him pinned under her, she watched his eyes cloud over as a previously well-hidden part of his anatomy made itself apparent. "And last night—"

She licks her lips and draws his attention to them before cutting him off, "I'm well-aware of how much you enjoyed last night."

"So much better than the first time." He chuckles as he brushes his lips lightly over her cheek on his way to her ear. "Encore?"

She swallows. "When?"

He presses a kiss on the shell of her ear and whispers, "Tonight." He kisses her jaw. "Tomorrow." Her temple. "And the day after that." Her forehead. "And the day after that." Her nose. "And _all_ the days after that." And finally, her mouth. But before he can deepen the kiss, she pushes at his chest.

She keeps her head down so her forehead meets his chin. She clears her throat before she speaks just above a whisper, "You don't want that."

He leans back as he gently raises her head with his fingers on her chin. "I do."

"No, you don't." He takes a step back when she stands so abruptly that it's a wonder she doesn't bump into him. "You _can't_."

"I already do, Maria. I know we've never talked about it but it's never been a secret that I want this. I've wanted _you_ for a while now." He pauses, searches her face, then reiterates, "And I don't just mean like last night." She looks away but he's undeterred.

"Maria, _I want you_. In the helicarrier, in this facility, in the Avengers Tower; in the field because I know you miss it every now and then; in the comms when I'm in the field because there's no one I trust more; in a restaurant, _any_ restaurant, having a meal with me; in the movies catching me up to the 21st century because I want to discover more things and I enjoy doing so with you; in the market while I shop for fresh produce; in my apartment or yours while I cook whatever you want for you; on the couch just lounging, maybe reading books in silence or binge-watching Star Wars." He closes the distance between them. "And yes, I do want you in bed; _ours_ , to fall asleep with every night and to wake up to every morning."

Maria's eyes are glassy as she shakes her head. She's not programmed for any of those things and she's about to say so but he's not finished. "Steve—"

"Remember when I was gone for a while? Before Ultron? I wasn't just looking for Bucky; I was looking for myself. You can't tell me I don't want you; you can't invalidate how I feel for you because _I've_ tried and I just. Can't. Stop. Back then, I got scared because everywhere I went, I saw you. Even when Wanda messed with my head, I got out and got back and..." He takes Maria's hands in his. " _Every twist and turn was just a straight line back to you._ "

She looks intently in his eyes and then blinks. She's feeling a little overwhelmed because he means it, everything. He's always so honest, so sincere, so infuriatingly close to perfect.

"I've never needed anyone in my life before; I still don't. But damn it, Steve, I want you in it. Every goddamn day." She searches his eyes for something, something she doesn't quite understand but feels incredibly desperate for. "If that's what people call love, then maybe I _am_ in love with you."

There's a long, charged silence where he's surprised she said it first and she's stunned she said it at all. Slowly, the corners of Steve's lips curl up. "If you can admit that, then what's scaring you?"

He could surely have anyone he wants but he wants _her_. And she wants him. Trusts him. Loves him, apparently. This feels as right as it felt wrong to shoot him down in the helicarriers. _But, Steve_ — She hesitated back then. What if it happens again?

She shakes her head again. "Our methods and beliefs don't always match."

"We've known that from the very beginning."

"Yes, but I don't want to get to a point where I'm compromised when it concerns you!" Her breathing is a little ragged in light of all the emotions and confessions pouring out of them. She swallows the lump she feels in her throat before quietly adding, "I don't want to _lose myself_ ; that's what terrifies me more than anything."

Steve brushes Maria's hair behind her ear and caresses her cheek with his thumb, his palm on her jaw and his fingers resting on her neck. "Maria, you may have become a spy but you're a soldier at heart; we both are. I know every bit of you that you've allowed me to see and there is no one I know who can compartmentalize better. So I don't think that's something you should worry about. You said so before, the choices you make are yours and yours alone; no one can make you do anything you don't want to. So when that hard decision comes along, we'd both do what we believe is right, just like in the helicarriers."

He waits a while but when Maria nods, the smile on his face becomes radiant with joy and desire and everything he feels for her. "But right now, you're just Maria and I'm just Steve." He touches her forehead with his. "Do you think we can call a truce and just… _be_?"

She closes her eyes and smiles. "Okay," she whispers, expecting his kiss but she's surprised when he suddenly pulls away, just enough so he could look at her clearly.

"Did I say I love you? Because I really, _really_ do. Completely."

"God, are you sap. And a huge goddamn idiot." She pulls him closer by the back of his neck and kisses him.

-x-

She's pulled from slumber by the shrill ringing of her phone. She looks at the caller ID and sees Steve's name. This man has no regard for time zones. With a voice still thick with sleep, she answers, "Steve?"

"We found him, Maria." His response makes her sit up. "We found Bucky. And Maria, he's not running."

"I'm on my way."

* * *

 _A/N:_ _Alas, our journey ends here. I'll try to see if it could continue on to cover CA:CW but as far as I'm concerned, this is it. I really hate beginnings and endings; it's probably why I'm in a constant state of being stuck. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed it, I hope I gave justice to each character and relationship, and I hope this series at least touched your (fandom) lives even if just tangentially. Thanks for taking the time to read and comment/review, and basically, for sticking around. #CaptainHill 5ever!_

 _Btw, the beautiful line in italics there that Steve says to Maria? Ha, I wish I wrote it myself but it's a line I borrowed from For Lovers Only (2011). Also, props to anyone who caught the reference in the summary._

 _x Thea_


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